Monday, November 29, 2010

I'm just going to rename the blog "Fuck Grading"

Seriously.


Was jamming tonight on the old git-fiddle, which is always fun. Learning a new song, but this comes easier each time. Decided that subjects are no longer that important to sentences.

Anyway, I love my Korg A3 so very much. It has such great noises in it. Miraculous noises. I am currently looking for another one just in case mine should ever die. They stopped making these particular rack-mounted effects in the early nineties. As far as I can tell, what's out there is what's left. It was a great piece of equipment with a beautiful tone. Everything sounds professional coming through it. Even if I totally fuck up, it sounds like I fucked it up professionally. I got my first one for about $100. It was used and I don't think that it is in complete working order. I can only use the presets, because if I were to futz around with the settings, I could not save them. To get to the effects chains I need reset factory settings every time I turn it on. But the factory settings are freaking exquisite. Love it love it love it.

Today I gave my talk on What the BLEEP Do We Know!? It was my first talk on it. My students were stunned by what I had put them through. Apparently there is a 300 minute long director's cut which nobody has ever watched ever. My reading quiz question was, "Name one utterly inappropriate thing that Amanda (Marlee Matlin's character) does at the wedding reception."

In my next class, I will be giving them my lecture about how to become a cult leader. Heehee.

HJ

Sunday, November 28, 2010

RIP, Leslie Nielsen

Leslie Neilsen has died at the age of 432 of pneumonia. I hope that when Leslie walks through the pearly gates, some angel stands up, points, and announces: "Hey! It's Enrico Pallazzo!" Seriously, I'm reading through some of the lines he has delivered. So, so funny. I'm going to have to watch some of the original Police Squad now.


HJ

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Dolphins and teleportation. No shit.

There are no words to describe what I am looking at right now. At least no words that I would feel comfortable using for at least the last 15 years, because the first phrase that comes to mind is, "Holy shit that is the gayest thing that I have ever seen in my entire life." Before you jump all over me for using the "g" word, please know that when I was 20 or so, I dropped the disparaging g-bomb in front of someone I did not know was a homosexual and holy shit did I feel bad. Rotten and crappy. We were good friends, I think, after I crawled and scraped and was all meager and rotten for a while.


It's the Dolphin and Teleportation Conference and...I can't think of how someone could be more of a perfect flake than to take this seriously. Except perhaps organize a dolphin and teleportation conference.

Every profession has its conferences. I imagine there is a big dry cleaning conference somewhere each year. I imagine that Dolphin Teleporters are very busy. (At any rate, all the firms that make up Big Dolphin Teleportation just want to protect their monopolies on Dolphin Teleportation.) Nonetheless, five dolphin teleportation experts will presumably beam in instead of showing up in a car or something.
Andrew D. Basiago - Time traveled to Mars
Alfred Lambremont Webre, JD, M ED - Martians on Earth
Laura Magdalene Eisenhower - Mars recruit
Jean-Luc Bozzoli - Inner-Spatial artist
Joan Ocean, MS - Dolphins & Windows in time
Andrew Basiago, apparently, has a fucking Tardis. And Laura Eisenhower, really related to the former President (Ike's great-granddaughter), believes that Alternative 3 is real and claims to have been approached to participate in the Mars colonization project.

The schedule seems to be laid back (centered to emulate the crazy):

We will join the dolphins in the gentle warm waters learning directly from them while experiencing their unconditional love.

And then we will come together in a beautiful oceanside setting to share our personal experiences and to hear the actual life stories of time travel to Mars from our expert Speakers and co-leaders with Joan and Jean-Luc. Their story is one of synchronicity and divine guidance. Living in different parts of the northern hemisphere, these people were unexpectedly brought together to complete a specific task of revealing galactic civilizations other than our own, to Earth's population.

Their story of how they came together and what they were tasked to do, will amaze, inspire and then comfort you. It is a reminder of the greater world that works within us in a benevolent way when we are willing to step forward without fear of reprisals, and without prejudice and judgment.

At this Symposium, we will be deeply touched, while immersed in love, appreciation and inspiration.

Wow. Gay as the daffodils. Coincidentally, right next to this description is a picture of a woman who is about to be deeply touched by a dolphin:

LOOK OUT, LADY!

The dolphins, people, do not give a shit. Really. They want tuna. That's all. If you don't have tuna, you are worth fuck-all to a dolphin. If you teleported into the presence of dolphins they would not be impressed. Unless you had tuna. And then they would use you until your tuna was gone and then ignore you.

Joan Ocean, by the way, is the one organizing this, I think. She has goof coming out of both ears. Take her Sasquatch page, which begins:
Did you know that Sasquatch can:

Read
Write
Shape-shift
Project Their Voice
Create Infrasound that affects the environment
De-materialize at will, or cause you to have an experience of lost time so you think they de-materialized.
Travel 300 miles a day on foot.
Live in well-lighted underground facilities
Contact and live with Star People
Tell us about our past and our future.
Have lived here longer than the human race.
Fuck. You have transdimensional, underground civilizations hanging with aliens. (I had to make sure that "star people" were in fact extraterrestrials. I thought they might be what crystal children grow into.) It looks like they may be responsible for lost time of alien abductees. The number of well-defined conspiracy narratives and abductee reports are all present. And you thought New Agers weren't able to apply Occam's Razor!

Anyway, I can't go. I'm going to the "Squirrels and Bounding Conference" outside of Boise this spring. I can't be in two places at once...unless I skip MLA and go to the "House Cats and Bi-location Conference" over winter break! Score!

HJ

HJHOP (mini) Book Review: The First Chapter of Left Behind

The night that Phil Plait was in Georgia a few weeks ago, I had some time to kill before my ride out to western Georgia showed up, so I walked around the Perimeter Mall and found a Goodwill. The used books section was truly craptastic. Just look at the titles acquired that I would never reward the publishers for producing:

  • John Hagee, The Beginning of the End: The Assassination of Yitzhak Rabin and the Coming Antichrist (Why anyone would want to assassinate a violin player with polio is beyond me.)
  • Adriana Rocha and Kristi Jorde, A Child of Eternity: An Extraordinary Young Girl's Message from the World Beyond (A fucking awful book about Facilitated Communication.)
  • Ed Hindson, Is the Antichrist Alive and Well?: 10 Keys to His Identity
  • John Hogue, Nostradamus and the Millenium
  • Jonathan Karl, The Right to Bear Arms
I also picked up a "Practical Guide to Past Lives" (It makes you wonder what the impractical guides were like!) and Life After Life, which set off the Near-Death Experience phenom. But of all of the books I picked up, the one I needed to read, I thought, was Left Behind, first book in the "God Is An Omnipotent Prick" series.

I thought, well, maybe there is something good about the series, but I was wrong. My thinking had been that the premise "A bunch of people disappear for no reason" might be creepy and cool. Then people go around trying to figure out what had happened to them. Nope.

Even the non-believers know exactly what has happened when it happens. Indeed, the first chapter ends, vomitously: "The terrifying truth was that he knew all too well. Irene had been right. He, and most of his passengers, had been left behind."

Fuck.

And the whole first chapter is backstory. Russia has invaded Israel and been completely wiped out for no apparent reason and no loss of life on the part of the Israelis. The reasons that Russia invades, as far as I can tell, are that they are unable to benefit from farming techniques developed in Israel. Really. It's like like every broadcast of the 700 Club, John Hagee and the fucking Van Impe's rolled into one mass of tedious, after-the-fact exposition.

There is nothing, absolutely nothing creative about this book in the first chapter. It is an echo chamber of the hack theology masquerading as American Protestantism for the last century and a half.

Oh, I and I fucking hate the opening line: "Rayford Steele's mind was on a woman he had never touched." From the first line you know he's fucked. The authors have managed to completely avoid the need for competent plot development and development of suspense, opting instead to prophecize narrative failure absolute.

Man. I thought that The Faerie Queene were the hardest two pages I had ever read.

My mind is on a book I will never touch, a book I know terrifyingly all too well, one that I am happy to see left behind.

HJ

Friday, November 26, 2010

Withdrawal is not fun...

I have been on a Class II controlled substance (Adderall) since I was 12. This means that even though the drug has legitimate medical uses, it is likely to be abused. I fart along daily with the same dose in my system that I have had for years, but every so often (only very occasionally), I fuck up and wait too long to get a new prescription. This can leaves me for several days where the amount in my system drops and you find out what a Class II substance can do to you. In my case, it's pretty mild, honestly. I think that the headache that I had the other day was part of it. My bowels do the Montezuma two-step. You feel a little out of phase. If it's really bad, my personality changes and I become indignant. (HA!)


Now, I have been on this drug since I was twelve. Far more than half of my natural life has been medicated. I make my damned MD appointments when I've made them. So, it should not be a big deal, at least as far as I see it, that I get a holdover prescription for the week until I can get in to see my doc. No such luck. So, as best I can tell, I am feeling icky for no real legitimate reason.

So, I'm indignant.

Yuck.

When I went to look up the class of drug I was on, I came across the following statement:
All the special rules and "red tape" surrounding the use of Adderall may seem inconvenient, but they were put in place to prevent abuse of medications like Adderall.
It doesn't seem inconvenient, bucko. It's an ass-chafing week-long stretch of avoidable discomfort. I have to have a new written script every single month--no phoning or faxing in my prescription. No refills. It's the aggravating tempo of my life.

HJ

HUMOROUS UPDATE: I was fixing a typo I had noticed and on the screen that told me the page had been updated, Google ads recommend that I go into rehab. Thanks, Google Ads! You are clearly more concerned than my doctor about my well-being.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

This Week in Conspiracy (11/23))

Back to the grind, folks. After a long day of nothing but a gigantic headache happening, it's time for another conspiracy theory post.


Don't everyone cheer at once.
The Illuminati clearly just crashed my PC. Damn it.
Yep. that's about all. Sorry I'm not more chatty. I will be again, I promise.

HJ

Guess which job I'm not applying for...

The one that has this as a requirement to teach English:

Additional Qualifications:
* A personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
* An ability to model and communicate the Christian experience to students as related to life and learning
* Competence in MS Office (e.g. Word, PowerPoint).
Yeah, I never got a handle on Access.

HJ

Sunday, November 21, 2010

In the evening...

It's a strange night here at Chez McGhandi, not externally so much as internally. I had a hell of a weekend, most of it spent unconscious. This is not a bad thing. It was an unrelenting week. New project after new project, meeting after meeting, student conference after student conference. I have not had a chance to work on my own scholarship for a while now, and I am concerned that I will not be able to for a little while yet. On Friday I was watching on the couch watching an episode of Dr. Who season 5, and at some point my brain said, "Bing, you sleep now." Then I imagine there was an audible thud. About half an hour later, I came to in the least comfortable position ever achieved on a couch and decided that I should go to bed. It was really early for me--no later than 7:00 by then--and I slept. I knew I was going to sleep, just not so much.


At any rate, I am trying to get across the idea that I slept like a crazy person this weekend. I got some work done, never as much as I would like, but a good deal of work. Most of it of a grading nature.

There was a meeting of the Atlanta Skeptics this weekend. Bart Farkas, Development Officer of the JREF was there, and he introduced us to the sorts of applications that the JREF received for the Million Dollar Challenge. Some are out there. Really quite remarkably far out there. Like once they received an application in macramé. Yeah.

Here. Enjoy Time Cube:


HJ

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Dumbest Story Ever Told

Simcha Jacobovici is the biggest idiot who has ever lived. I say this without fear of contradiction or even serious challenge. Indeed, it is by a wide, wide margin that this dickhead has managed to carve out the most highly public failure of a career in bullshit archaeology. Simcha Jacobovici goes by the name The Naked Lunatic Archaeologist, which is also the name of his show. The only possible contender for the As Big An Idiot As Simcha Jacobovici Award is James Cameron, who has to be the most gullible sugar daddy in the history of pseudohistorical incompetence.


Actually, that gives me an idea.

James Cameron, I wanted you to know that I found the Fountain of Youth and El Dorado. Give me one million dollars and I will hire a film crew and go out into the Everglades and Dondequiera, South America and point to exactly where they used to be. Fucking. History Channel. Magic. What do you say, Jimmy?

So, why am I unloading on the international disgrace known as Simcha Jacobovici? Because of something that he did to my eyes and brain tonight. It all began as I waited to go into a meeting this afternoon. Outside my boss's office is a bookshelf where you take a book or leave a book. I saw a thin cardboard DVD sleeve bearing the title The Exodus Decoded. In a red band at the top it reads: "FOR YOUR EMMY CONSIDERATION--OUTSTANDING NON-FICTION SPECIAL."

A quick check of IMDB reveals that it won nothing. Nothing at all. If I had been a judge for the Emmy, I would have taken awards away from James Cameron, just on fucking principle.

It's like The Da Vinci Code, except that the main character is completely incompetent at everything he tries. As with conspiracy theories, the clues are everywhere if you just know how to look, and according to Jacobovici every single biblical scholar, archaeologist, and historian has been entirely wrong..."until now." (As we watched this horrid thing, my roommate Animala and I considered inventing a drinking game every time Jacobovici said, "....until now." But we soon realized that if we ever played this game, we would quickly become raging alcoholics.)

Seriously, this guy is so bad at his job, you can tell that the people surrounding him, actual scientists and scholars, are just appalled at everything that comes out of his mouth. He is so staggeringly intolerable to the professionals around him that the only way he can hide their abject horror and disdain for is to keep them almost entirely out of frame. Indeed, his academic betters, for whom scholarship is more than pointing to a random object and saying, "SEE! THE BIBLE (WELL ONLY REALLY THE OLD TESTAMENT) IS TRUE!" when they are showing him their museum collections, often look appalled at his uninterrupted existence on this planet. The best example of this was in The Lost Tomb of Jesus, another Cameron-funded pasture patty--you could tell that during the tour of the Israel Museum collection of ossuaries that Jacobovici was on the last nerve of the curator, David Mevorah. See the following clip from 1:00-2:40, the exchange. Jacobovici has no basic concept of the restraints in interpretation to which professional archaeologists judiciously limit themselves. (It's called competency, Simcha. Look it up.)


Now go to 5:49 and see Mevorah get a little more annoyed. David, you have the patience of a zen master. Seriously. I had kind of hoped that the interview would deteriorate into ossuaries being broken over Jacobovichi's head, but no such luck.

Anyway, Jacobovichi cites without horror the pseudoscholar and Velikovskite John Bimson. You may be familiar with Velikovsky's hypothesis that Jupiter farted Venus, which zoomed around the solar system, had a number of near-misses with the earth and caused Noah's Flood, the Egyptian plagues, manna from heaven (in a rain of hydrocarbons, which are unfortunately not carbohydrates), before settling down in its current orbit. Of course, I believe Carl Sagan calculated that in order to generate the escape velocity to propel a "comet" the size of Venus off of Jupiter at 60km/sec, you would need more energy than would be released by 100 million of the largest solar flares ever observed on the surface of the sun. And Jacobovichi actually doesn't punch this guy--he embraces him and cites him, presumably as an authority or intellectual superior, which, actually, I can see.

The problem is that Jacobovich's incoherent ramblings are as implausible as Velikovsky's harebrained hypothesis. A more "just-so" hypothesis has never been, and in this case it is the eruption of the badass Santorini volcano. Really, his bullshit utterly fucking fabricated chronology of disaster smacks of Answers in Genesis-level catastrophicism bullshit.

The other intellectual powerhouse outhouse that Jacobovici cites approvingly (and repeatedly relies on) is a hopeless ding-dong by the name of Charles Pellegrino, whose Ph.D. is in theoretical archaeology, as in, his degree in archaeology is entirely theoretical and without basis in reality.

I actually have a lot of work to accomplish before I go to sleep, but I would like to direct you to the Higgaion blog, which published perhaps the most perfect, thorough and utter savaging of bullshit that I have ever encountered. Seriously, Jacobovici's documentary is raped and left in a gutter to die. It's a fucking wonderful thing to watch, and you just want to kick it while it's lying there, sobbing and humiliated. The reason why I examine unqualified incompetents like the bozos mentioned here is because by simply assuming that they are magnificently, extravagantly, exquisitely wrong, when you fact check you invariably inadvertently learn a lot.

HJ

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

This Week in Conspiracy (11/16)

The cholera-spreading UN peace keepers in my bedroom demand that I present you with the week that was weak. Who am I but one to obey?


Should academic free speech include Holocaust denial? (My take, no for people whose relevant area involves the history of the period, because it demonstrates incompetency. Otherwise, there's not much you can do when someone has tenure other than only bring kosher food items to faculty meetings. Of course, this guy's book's title seems to suggest he's a bit of a conspiracist, but I'll wait until I read it.)
Is CERN the new HAARP? A crazy person correlates CERN experiments and earthquakes.
A play explores a Kennedy conspiracy theory.
Clearly Sharia is coming to the US. After all, Oklahomans aren't clearly all dirt-eating yokels.
Secret Service Agents recall Kennedy assassination.
Bart Simpson brought down the towers. (Why do people selectively edit out the Empire State Building in that frame; if they didn't it would read 1911, which, coincidentally the year of the first seaplane launch...COINCIDENCE!?! Look what happened 4 days later on Jan 30th.)
I bet Jesse Ventura pees himself when someone mentions "FEMA camps."
Is 50-cent a member of the Illuminati? (No, you are thinking about Lady Gaga. It's easy to mistake the one for the other.)
Jon Stewart on the Missile that Ate California:


That's it. I'm in hell. G'night.

HJ

Monday, November 15, 2010

Actual headline from Mike Adams

This one comes from the tree-eating Garden Weasel himself:

Woman cures cancer using plant foods (plus other news)

HJ

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Thomas the Apostle, the only pal of Jesus I could bear to have a beer with

Laundry rooms are sensory deprivation chambers of sorts. The steady whir of the machinery softens all other sensory input, leaving me alone with my brain. This is often a frightening prospect, and tonight, in my head, I found myself among the apostles a couple of hours after the Resurrection. I imagine the room that the Apostles were cowering in to be a sort of dank place with bare walls, as inconspicuous as possible. They mumble a lot.

So, Jesus comes in without knocking. "BOO!" he says. After the initial freak out, Jesus leaves to go flying around like Superman or whatever he was doing before the Ascension. The apostles are left pinching each other and recounting what just happened to each other, as if they weren't all there. This, of course, is what people do, because the Apostles were just people.

Then we pick up the story from John 20:

Now Thomas, one of the Twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe."
Good for you, Thomas. Thomas held out for eight of what must have been the least tolerable days of his entire life, squished in with a bunch of people who could not stop talking about what they had seen. Can you imagine how shitty it must have been for him? Here are your 10 closest chums (remember, one killed himself), and they all share an experience that you didn't. You become an outsider among intimates. Usually, the way group dynamics play out like this is that Thomas would basically accept what his trusted confidants reported. I would surely be tempted to. But Thomas, the one who could think, realized the huge nature of the claim and set up perhaps the best available criteria for validating it. It's as close to an empirical investigation as would be available in a 1st-century hideout.

Imagine, eight days among enthusiastic, motivated and endlessly irritating Jesus freaks. Shit, Thomas deserves to be a saint just for surviving that! Anyway, eight days later, Jesus pops in again. "You guys wanna hang?" (Crucifixion joke here.)

Anyway, at this point, Jesus holds out his hands and says, "Check it out. Go on. Poke it." Thomas, realizing how gross that would be, falls down and worships. Then comes the biggest interpolation in the whole damned Bible, when Jesus says:
"Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
Yeah, not big on empiricism, Jesus is. This is a total "wink wink" passage. I suspect that it is written with to coerce people who have no chance of ever seeing Jesus into believing. I mean, if the writer mentioned Jesus turning to him and saying, "John, get this down. I just remembered a beatitude I totally forgot to mention and this is a teachable moment," then it might be a little more credible, but this was totally put in later, as far as I can tell. The character of Jesus that we see in the beatitudes, by the way, is completely different from the one here saying, "Get down and worship me." Jesus talks about all the nice things you should be doing for everyone else in the beatitudes (in 11 of the 12 beatitudes in the synoptic gospels, at least). There are no beatitudes in John. This pronouncement about who gets an intangible blessing is all about not needing evidence, and should be anathema to any thinking individual. If someone claims they have risen from dead, by God, the burden of proof is on them to prove it. You shouldn't buy off disbelief with blessings and lowering bars of evidence for your flock! What a rotten thing to do.

HJ

Saturday, November 13, 2010

HJHOP Movie Review: Death of a Ghost Hunter, or F*cking Foley, How Does That Work?

It is hard to believe that the $5 I spent renting this movie equaled .1% of the box office gross of this stinker ($3490). I would guessed that it would have been closer to 30% of the box office take.


So, this money pit starred...nobody, really. It was like having lemon juice poured into my eyes. The entire score consisted of two notes, bing and bong. Something would be about to happen and you'd hear it, "bing.......bong....bing......bong." Of course, sometimes nothing would happen and you'd hear the bing bonging and just wishing that it would go away. Of course, it seems that, given the budget, the filmmakers could only afford the two notes.

The story revolves around a woman who was offered $1510 more than this movie grossed to spend three nights investigating a haunted house where freaky sex Christians tortured girls and got themselves murdered and suicided. She is joined by a journalist, a camera guy, and a psycho Christian who was apparently raised at the bottom of a plot hole. They are all murdered. Oh, yeah. Spoiler alert about that.

Patti Tindall, of "Folic Acid Awareness" commercial campaign, is Carter Somethingorother. She is a ghost hunter who contracts a case of death and is trapped in the house for eternity. Oh, spoiler alert about that too. The acting, across the board, was nightmarish. Seriously, the guys on the Dutch Masters box are more animated. Dame Edna puts on a more convincing performance. The controlling metaphor is a woman peeing into a suitcase, where the woman represents the filmmakers and the suitcase is the audience.

As far as I could tell, the sound was edited by two people. One of them was Superman and could hear a bumblebee fart on the other side of Central Park at rush hour. The other was an elderly gentleman who spent 40 years testing safe decibel levels for jet engines. Seriously, in the same conversation one character could not be heard while the other was tearing my speakers.

The movie seems to be the fault of Mike Marsh and Sean Tretta, who for some reason took direct responsibility for just about everything that happened on that screen. Seriously, I feel the need to wash the front of my TV set now, that was so painful.

HJ

Ask Tom Wilson (Biff Tannen)

This was posted by Flavin, and because there was a Back to the Future marathon last weekend, this struck me as perfect.



HJ

Friday, November 12, 2010

Endless Skeptical Weekend

It's a busy week for the Atlanta skeptics. Phil Plait was here the other day. Well, not here, but over at...a university too damned close to Alabama for my liking. He was talking about Death from the Skies. Turns out the universe hates you personally and will do anything to get at you.


Tonight, Ben Radford and Jim Underdown are going to be meeting with us to kickoff of the IIG Atlanta branch. We are working on getting this up and running, and this is the weekend we do it all. Hot damn. I have been looking to do this sort of thing for a while now, and now we can. Woo to the hoo. The festivities will take two days, culminating in a 3-hour workshop with Ben Radford tomorrow night. You know I'm there. Pictures to follow.

HJ

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Tits

The makers of a boob-job cream, as the ridiculous product was delicately described by Joel at the Young Australian Skeptics, are apparently going after multiple websites that criticize their improbable product.


This ridiculous company, Rodial Limited, which sells the miracle ta-ta enhancement cream, clearly has too many unoccupied lawyers on staff and they seem to be threatening people who dare raise the possibility that they are possibly complete charlatan cranks. SLAPP libel suits are common in the UK, and English law specifically has made London the libel lawsuit capital of the world. In the most recent incursion of libel laws into science, The Mail quoted Dr. Dalia Nield of the London Clinic, who said that the cream was "highly unlikely" to work, and that if the proposed mechanism by which the cream is claimed to raise your bust size, moving fat cells around, it might actually be dangerous. (Hey, why doesn't it move the fat in your hands when you smear it to increase your hand size?)

Sense About Science picked up this story, and guess what? The lawyers for Rodial Limited sent a letter to the site requesting that Sense About Science not cover the issue:

To quote Sense About Science:
Further to the story above we have been contacted by Rodial Limited's solicitors, Hegarty LLP, requesting that we do not release this story. Having attempted to silence the criticism of the 'Boob Job' product by Dr Dalia Nield they are now attempting to silence publicity about that. We will not agree to this. We have taken legal advice throughout. Threats against scientific comment are worthy of public attention and we won't be silenced by a lawyer's letter.
Wrong.

Fucking.

Move.

Honestly, this has to stop. England, you need to reform your libel laws now in the interest of public health. Keep libel laws out of science. Honestly, I'm so disgusted, if the lawyers of Rodial want to take issue with this post, they can consider themselves already told to suck it and save the electrons. Seriously. Anything that is sent to me will go straight to the web.

HJ

Dear future federal prisoner...

Today, I received a wonderful comment from a skinheadlet on an old post, a white supremacist poetry slam, which I repost here:

Whomever "corrected" this poem did not go to college as I am in high school and the poetic techniques that the true author of this poem writes are put their for emphasis. Capitalizing certain words etc are poetic techniques. 1488
Ah, from the mouths of babes comes...well, now that I think about it, mostly drool and vomit. Yep. This comes from the mouth of a babe.

Your first word is wrong, as it is the subject of the sentence. Your second word, corrected, is simply inaccurate. Why would I, who finds everything that the poem stands for pathetic and execrable (look it up, junior), "correct" it? I judged it and found it wanting. Need I go on? You write like a promising drop out, and if your parents only could have afforded the abortion, we wouldn't need to have this conversation.

Listen, don't embarrass yourself or your family by trying to go to college. Save your money, start a meth lab, and sleep with your sister one night when you are both high. This is really all anyone expects of you.

HJ

Dear World: You Are Insane

It needed to be said and said soon. A new conspiracy theory is brewing and it has the big mean Muslims at Google piddling on the graves of our sainted veterans, every one of whom was immaculately conceived and only killed bad people.

See the crescent moon in front of the sun where it makes no sense (it should be eclipsing the sun)? God, it's a clearer reference to the movie Saving Private Ryan (the transparent flag with the sun streaming through is a common visual theme in the movie) than it is to Islam. So, what I'm saying is, "Grow the fuck up, universe. For real."

HJ

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

A post about Worldview Weekend? That's a blast from the past!

Yup. It's been a while. Brannon Howse, for all his fear mongering and lunacy, hasn't said anything new or interesting in eons. He jumped the shark a long time ago and is, for all practical purposes, old news as far as I am concerned. I went to his crazy-palooza earlier this year, and really, it was a fleecing. The baldest soaking of the politically naive for cash that I had ever encountered. It was a horrid thing to behold.

Still, however, the toilet goblin still sends me email every single day. The headline included, "The Ten Commandments of the Anti-Christ," which was intriguing, and therefore nothing that Howse could have written. Instead, he was reposting the work of David R. Reagan of Total Batshit Ministries (formerly Lamb and Lion Ministries).

So, what is David panicking about tonight? The Georgia Guidestones! Yay! They are a lot like that mountain in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, only they attract loons.

"This means...almost exactly nothing."

So, what's wrong with the Guidestones, David?
Several years ago I conducted a Gospel meeting in Toccoa, Georgia. While I was there I decided to check on a rumor I had heard about a mammoth granite monument that supposedly had been erected in the nearby town of Elberton in March 1980.
What's with this "supposedly" stuff? They were built in 1980. This is common knowledge.
According to the rumor, the monument had been paid for by a mysterious group affiliated with the New Age Movement, an international amalgamation of Humanist societies whose aim is to prepare the way for the coming of "Lord Maetrea," a Messiah who will save the world.
Wait, a rumor? Where's your evidence that the rumor is true?
The guiding force behind the movement is the Lucis Trust located at the United Nations Plaza in New York. The movement has been well documented in Constance Cumby's book The Hidden Dangers of the Rainbow. This is the same group that ran full page ads in all the leading U.S. newspapers in the spring of 1982 announcing "the Christ is now here" and will soon reveal himself. The group also runs ads in magazines promoting a special Humanist prayer.
The movement may or may not be "well" documented in that tome (honestly, I doubt it because every sentence quivers with delusional paranoia), but as with so much fringe writing, it is available in its entirety online. At no point does The Hidden Dangers of the Rainbow (scribd) even mention the Georgia Guidestones. Not once. This is a purely fanciful, imaginary connection. The entire basis of your argument is completely and perfectly without justification.
I was able to confirm that the remarkable monument truly does exist.
You make it sound like you discovered the source of the Nile or something. Way to go, Dr. Livingstone! Ever hear of the Googles? Anyway, he describes the monument, explains that nobody knows who financed it except the local banker who had to know (for legal reasons). I won't subject you to David's prose, though. I'll instead subject you to my prose. The stones read, by the way:
  1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.
  2. Guide reproduction wisely - improving fitness and diversity.
  3. Unite humanity with a living new language.
  4. Rule passion - faith - tradition - and all things with tempered reason.
  5. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
  6. Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
  7. Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
  8. Balance personal rights with social duties.
  9. Prize truth - beauty - love - seeking harmony with the infinite.
  10. Be not a cancer on the earth - Leave room for nature - Leave room for nature.
Based on my study of the New Age Movement, I have no doubt that the Georgia Guidestones are an expression of the basic philosophy of that movement. Since Satan is using that movement to herald the emergence of a universal False Messiah, I can only conclude that the Georgia Guidestones may well contain the ten commandments of the Anti-Christ.


Look at how ominous the very first commandment is: "Maintain humanity under five hundred million in perpetual balance with nature." There are 5 billion people on the earth today. To implement this first commandment, 4.5 billion people will have to be eliminated!
True, that is unnerving, but it is also just a few words on a sloppily executed granite monument. However, it's quite interesting. Later, under "Further Evidence" you cite the touristy brochure/booklet (scribd) that is distributed by the people who actually executed the commission. This booklet is the source of the story as you have it, but you selectively quote it. Clearly you interpret all books as badly as you do the Bible. Let's imagine the letter in the booklet you quote is real. I suspect the author was someone in town, someone associated with the granite business, if not the granite workers themselves who financed the stones--the author/publisher of the booklet says follows every use of the phrase "Georgia Guidestones" with (TM ), which seems really proprietary to me. But whatever. Let's imagine that the letter you cite as evidence of their intention is worth citing, then, how can you possibly ignore the bit that says:
A few generations of single child families will permit improvement of living standards in even the most impoverished nations.
The author is not talking about killing everyone. He's just letting the current population "age out," as it were. Now, he suggests draconian measures that would rob the individual of reproductive freedoms, but then again, your people also would rob people of their reproductive freedoms, so it seems to be sort of a crappy wash from where I'm standing.
Commandment 4 makes it clear that all true Christians would be a clear target of any elimination program, because Christians give primacy to faith.
Fuck everyone else, by the way.
Commandment 2 is an expression of the Nazi concept of controlled reproduction of the species.
Yeah, this is a sickening idea. It's a statement about eugenics that creeps my shit out. However, the Nazis were not into the breeding for "diversity," asshat.
Commandments 2, 5, 7 & 8 are the cornerstones of centralized, world government.
You must mean 5 and 6 and either 7 or 8.
5 Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
6 Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
7 Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
8 Balance personal rights with social duties.
Actually, they are saying, "Let nations be sovereign "rule internally" and don't go to war, because war is bad." I know this because I can read. Sounds pretty reasonable to me.
Commandment 9 is an expression of the essence of most oriental, mystical religions.
Prize truth - beauty - love - seeking harmony with the infinite.
I thought you guys were all about truth(TM) and love. I understand that you hate beauty (I mean, just look at evangelist hair), but being in harmony with god...that's something you all are supposed to like.
Satan knows Bible prophecy. He can read the signs of the times. He knows that Jesus is coming soon. Satan is preparing Mankind for the acceptance of his ultimate ploy to deceive the World - the unveiling of his Anti-Christ.
By publishing his intentions on a rock in the middle of Balls-All, Georgia? The Lord may work in mysterious ways, but the Devil is completely nutters!
The Bible tells us that Satan disguises himself as "an angel of light" and that his servants disguise themselves as "servants of righteousness" (2 Corinthians 11:14-15). Isn't it interesting that the man who financed the Georgia Guidestones called himself "R. C. Christian"? Is that a coincidence or a revelation?
Neither. I... I Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!



My friends, we live in an age of deception. Jesus said that in the end times "false Christs and false prophets will arise and will show great signs and wonders so as to mislead, if possible even the elect" (Matthew 24:24). We must be spiritually discerning. We must "test the spirits" (1 John 4:1).
You have forced me to this. I just...I can't do this anymore.



HJ

Monday, November 8, 2010

9/11 music...

Yeah. It's a real thing. Found out about it tonight. You know how I went to the chemtrail movie a few weeks ago? Well, I have a gigantic new collection of conspiracy movies. I've been watching these movies for the last few days, and, man, are they repetitive! The only interesting thing that I have encountered, the only thing at all new, is the concept of 9/11 music. For instance, take the song that is playing over the closing credits of Dave van Kleist's magnum (what's Latin for poop?) 9/11 Ripple Effect. I was not able to find a free audio version of the strange soft-rock 9/11 song (link is to a video) that played over the credits, but I found the dance remixes of the song:


How do you make the Bee Gee's even more grating? Check it out!


HJ

White supremacists hate zombies (really)....

Today, I popped into the office of a colleague who shares an interest in conspiracy theories and who is building up quite a collection of primary sources. Anyway, he handed me a large, folded-over book list from "Invictus Books" ("invictus" means "white trash" in Latin). My colleague pointed out that "Invictus" was the name of the poem that Timothy McVeigh recited for his final words, which is enough of a crime to warrant the death penalty, if I'm to be honest (and when am I ever not?). The entire poem is on the cover. "Bing," he said. "I'm on their fucking mailing list."

"That sucks....Can I make a copy?" I asked, trying to make lemonade using his lemons. What he gave me is beyond horrid. I have a hard time believing that this is actually a place, but it seems to me to be a source of all sorts of alternative fiction by far-right-wing racist separatist barfs. Let me give you a sample of some of their offerings. A few books, frankly, I approve of: 1984, Animal Farm, and On the Origin of Species (yeah). Some I am completely indifferent to: The Nietzsche Reader, Plato's Republic, The Portable Jung. The rest are awful and you should never hesitate to laugh openly--and invite others to laugh and point--at anyone you see carrying any of them.

The two most important, from a "proven capacity to circulate among the insane" perspective is The Turner Diaries and Behold a Pale Horse, both of which I intend to download later tonight from the web. The first is a racist novel about some white guy. The second is a huge conspiracy tome that runs 500 pages, outlining the whole New World Order.

But the other books in the catalog are a real treasure trove of lunacy. They include:
  • Whitey Revolutionary
  • Green Day: A Novel of Totalitarian UN Control (that title really flows off the tongue)
  • The entire SS culture series (a lot of Nazi era reprints)
  • White Self Hate: Master Stroke of the Enemy
  • The Fuhrer's Courage
  • Positive Christianity in the Third Reich (refutes the claim that the Third Reich was anti-Christian)
  • Nude Photography in Nazi Germany ("Over 100 explicit b/w nude photos celebrating the natural beauty of Aryan women.")

  • Several translations of Mein Kampf (including the "Nazi Translation", whatever that is)
  • Tales of the Holohoax, a comic book
  • The Protocols of the Elders of Zion ("It may be a fake, but whoever wrote it definitely understands the Jewish mind.")
  • David Duke's My Awakening ("In the first two parts he unloads both barrels, one on Blacks and the other on Jews.")
  • How to Win Friends and Influence People (No shit? "#1 Don't shop at Invictus Books.")
  • Pat Buchanan's Death of the West (How does that make you feel, Pat?)
  • Writings by Eric Rudolph "the pro-life Olympic bomber"
  • The Secret Doctrine by Helena Fucking Blavatsky (Really? Blavatsky? Really? Lame!)
  • A toilet trove of "how to disappear" style survivalist books
  • A buttload of Celtic and Nordic mythology
  • A number of metal parking-style signs, like "Panzer Parking Only"
Lastly there was this little gem:

Claaaa-aaasy.

While this list is abhorrent on many levels and the people who write these books are not quite entirely people, I need to read a number of them because...that's what I do. You have to know what tune the devil is playing, and I have a suspicion that a lot of ideas that are working their ways into mainstream political culture are originating on the far racist right. We need to be able to see where these ideas come from and call people out when they use them, or just inform them of their provenance when they use those ideas unthinkingly. So, I was looking for which ones come in free online form (a lot of this type of stuff is freely distributed among the lunatic fringe, like the free movies I picked up at the chemtrail movie I went to), and I came across the strangest post-apocalyptic reading list over at stormfront. I will highlight the ones that really surprised me:
1. Boston's Gun Bible by Boston T. Party
2. Crisis Preparedness Handbook: A Complete Guide to Home Storage and Physical Survival by Jack A. Spigarelli
3. Ditch Medicine: Advanced Field Procedures For Emergencies by Hugh Coffee
4. U.S. Army Special Forces Medical Handbook by Craig Glen K.
5. SAS Survival Handbook: How to Survive in the Wild, in Any Climate, on Land or at Sea by John Lofty Wiseman
6. Extreme Survival Almanac: Everything You Need to Know to Live Through a Shipwreck, Plane Crash, or Any Outdoor Crisis Imaginable by Reid Kincaid
7. Boston on Surviving Y2K by Kenneth W. Royce
8. The Collapse by Jeff Stanfield
9. Molon Labe! by Javelin Press
10. Enemies Foreign and Domestic by Matthew Bracken
11. Domestic Enemies: The Reconquista by Matthew Bracken
12. Patriots: Surviving the Coming Collapse: A Novel of the Turbulent Near Future
13. Unintended Consequences by John Ross
14. The Road by Cormac McCarthy
15. The Black Arrow: A Tale of the Resistance by Vin Suprynowicz
16. Amerikan Sunset by Jennifer Ladewig
17. Things Fall Apart by Fred Heiser
18. Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank
19. Earth Abides by George R. Stewart
20. The Rift by Walter J. Williams
21. Lucifer's Hammer by Larry Niven
22. Trigger Effect by Dewey Gram
23. Vandenberg: A novel by Oliver Lange
24. The Postman by David Brin
25. The Running Man by Stephen King
26. The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress by Robert A. Heinlein
27. Trial by Fire by Harold Coyle
28. Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell
29. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
30. THE THIRD REVOLUTION by Anthony F. Lewis
31. Civil War II: The Coming Breakup of America by Thomas W. Chittum
32. The Turner Diaries: A Novel by Andrew MacDonald
33. Hunter by Andrew MacDonald
34. Hear The Cradle Song by O.T. Gunnarsson
35. The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks
36. I Am Legend by Richard Matheson
37. World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War by Max Brooks
38. Day by Day Armageddon (A Zombie Novel) by J. L. Bourne
39. Every Sigh, the End: A Novel About Zombies by Jason S. Hornsby
40. Down the Road: On the Last Day by Bowie Ibarra
41. 28 Days Later: The Aftermath by Steve Niles
42. The Rising by Brian Keene
43. Autumn: The Human Condition by David Moody
44. Autumn - The City by David Moody
45. Autumn - Purification by David Moody
46. Hurricane Katrina Survival Stories: Courage in a time of tragedy and confusion by Dee Van Dyk
47. The Great New Orleans Gun Grab by Gordon Hutchinson
48. Guns Save Lives: True Stories of Americans Defending Their Lives With Firearms by Robert A. Waters
49. The Best Defense: True Stories of Intended Victims Who Defended Themselves With a Firearm by Robert A. Waters
50. Forensic Analysis of the April 11th 1986 Miami Shootout by French Anderson MD
The zombie novels really surprised me. Big scary black Jewish zombies. BOO!


HJ (a proud race traitor!)

PS: Here's a picture of Hitler with a very manly, Teutonic camel-toe:
Behold the mighty German knees! Heehee!

Right wing violence...

It's not pretty, but it's outlined at Crooks and Liars.


HJ

Sunday, November 7, 2010

This Week in Conspiracy

I am trying very hard to not bludgeon my whining cat, Mina. You have no idea. Oh, cripes. She just knocked a box of plastic forks off of the fridge. Have to go get my cat-disciplining stick.


Anyway, as I struggle against the impulse to felinicide, I thought I'd bring you another edition of the week that was weak.

Alex Jones: Rand Paul Already Being Used as a Scapegoat. The word you're looking for, Alex, is "punchline."
Roger Leir, defective podiatrist, was on Coast to Coast.
My favorite headline this week: "Alex Jones' audio blog: the true nature of evil."
I can't decide what to think of this. But it smacks of a manufactured conspiracy against, admittedly, that wacko Arizonan sheriff. Surely nobody that evil is so stupid as to send out this email.
Alex Jones asks for $500,000 to continue the war on leprechauns. Seriously, institutionalize this man.

Micky discovers the government cartoon conspiracy against Glenn Beck. HAHA!


That's it for now, space cadets!

HJ

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Alex Jones, Stalker Clown, Tries Really Hard to Cry...

This is...unlike...anything I have seen in a long time. Remember John Oliver on election night, how he was wearing a green suit? Well, Alex Jones went there first, but you know, he was serious. Behold, the disembodied, floating head of goof:



20 IQ points lower? Silly! You can't have negative IQ! Deny them your vital essence, Alex!

How is he not in an institution? (Texas does not count.)

HJ

Friday, November 5, 2010

Conspiracy in the news...

This is not a regular conspiracy theory of the week. This is just today's news.


Did the UN introduce cholera to Haiti? Really probably not. We know that cholera follows on the heels of natural disasters and lack of clean water. Haiti is a fucked-up little sort of country. I'm surprised we haven't already seen it. But the idea that people are responsible for natural disaster and the type of outbreaks that follow it...a conspiracy theory as old as the hills. Think of the Jews supposed to poisoning the wells during the Plague. (No one pointed out that the Jews were dying too.)

Furthermore. I want to know why the media is not leading with the headline, "Republicans win your trust, immediately blatantly lie, you suckers." The headline, "Republicans take aim at cost of Obama’s trip to India," is uninformative and blatantly misleading at best.

Grumble.

HJ

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Is an ounce of prevention really worth pound of cure?

Is an ounce of prevention really worth pound of cure? This is the type of problem that keeps me up at night, because I know in the morning I am going to have to do basic math to answer the question and then I will have to post it to my blog for all the world to check my work. Damn it.


Fine. I will do math, but only for the kids.

Now, when I decided to do this, I realized that I would have to find units that could be shared by both prevention and cure, something that tied both vaccines and health care together. Well, both of these have cost, so I could compare the cost of vaccination versus the cost of hospitalization. I am going to take the vaccine I most recently received, the dTap booster that I got at Dragon*Con. That dose, which I got for free, came to the CDC at the price of $26.25/dose. Therefore, $26.25 is my ounce of prevention.

Now the reason that I got the vaccine is because I do not want to infect any children with the whooping cough. 90 percent of pertussis related hospital stays are infants, so I decided that the average cost of a hospital stay for an infant would be my pound of cure. The average cost of an infant hospitalization for pertussis is $9,586.

$9,586/$26.25 = 365 ounces of prevention in every pound of cure.

Divide that by 16 oz per lb and you find that:

An ounce of prevention is worth 22.82lbs of cure. Exactly.

HJ

"Compared to what?"

This post, I need to say right off the bat, could not have been written, nay conceived, without the expertise of the CDC's medical epidemiologist Dr. Bill Atkinson, who as you might know, has been a force for public health for over 20 years. Recently, Bill, Maria Walters, and the Skepchicks launched a campaign to vaccinate folks against pertussis at Dragon*Con, and we fully expect that with more lead time next year, their efforts to vaccine the hell out of Nerdlanta will be victorious and complete! I met Bill at the vaccination clinic, and he generously agreed to come to my classes and talk about alternative medicine, especially the anti-vaccine movement and how to evaluate a clinical trial.

What he revealed was a stunning look at how vaccines are tested.

Bill discussed a clinical trial for the shingles vaccine. Shingles is caused by a nasty virus, herpes zoster, that hides out in the nerves of those of you who have had chickenpox. When it comes out to play, it can result in painful, persistent blistering. (Warning, this is gross.)

Thus Spake Zoster.

I don't want this. This disease, as far as I can tell, dogs the elderly, but can also appear in young people. I remember a friend in grade school (8th grade) who was kept home in misery because of shingles under his arm. It occurs to me that he could still be having outbreaks of this. Yikes!

In the last couple of years, a vaccine for shingles has been developed, and a clinical study...no, let's call it a "science party"... was thrown where two types of party favors were given out. The first was a placebo, the second, experimental vaccine. This was one hell of a party, including 38,546 patients over the age of 60, all of them "doing shots", as it were. The "science party" raged continuously between November 1998 and September 2001 at 22 different academic centers around the country.

It was all fun and games, however, until Bill gave us a sobering number. Of the 19,270 people who received the vaccine, 793 of the patients died.

Shingles vaccine! Run away!

Before you personally wet yourself over this (WARNING: Do NOT follow link), Brave Sir Robin, Bill asked, what else would you like to know?

"What did they die from?"
"Were they sick ahead of time?"
"What about the placebo group?"

Bang. Bill brought up a slide. 795 people in the placebo group died versus 793 in the vaccine group. No difference.

This clever reveal made a crucial, fundamental point not only about assessing vaccine efficacy, but also about understanding randomized studies in general:

When you say, "My grandpa had the experimental shingles vaccine and then he died," it tells you nothing about the vaccine.

When you document 793 people dying after receiving an experimental vaccine, it tells you nothing about the vaccine.

If you tell me that 1,000,000 children showed signs of autism in a global trial after getting a vaccine, you have told me nothing about the vaccine. When you say it outside of a clinical trial, you have told me...even less.

Your numbers, no matter how high or big or scary, are not only meaningless, but, to the layman like me, potentially dangerously misleading. Any meaningful interpretation of adverse outcomes in these types of trials depends on the researcher, layman, or journalist asking, "Compared to what?"

In fact, the shingles vaccine trial is a damned good trial, and should probably get its own book in the Bible of Medical Science ("...A reading from the Letter of the Shingles Prevention Study Group to the FDA").

You can check out the abstract of the study here. A flowchart that describes the study and its subsequent adverse events (different from "adverse reactions," mind you) study can be found here.

HJ

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Mayer Eisenstein's Ludicrous Existence

Dr. Mayer Eisenstein. I have no idea how I started receiving his emails, but they basically arrive every single day. Usually, he's quacking on about Vitamin D and how it is essentially a miracle cure for most things (except obesity, apparently). Anyway, today this guy sent me an email that said:

Anyway, there is no useful information in the email. Only a scary statement and an invitation to give him money to learn what he means. (His bound bullshit now costs only $25--was $40!)

This is cynical in the extreme, and knowing that over a dozen studies have failed to show any link between vaccines and autism, knowing that kids and vulnerable populations that depend on the immunity of the herd are suffering and dying of vaccine-preventable diseases, knowing that the paper that set off the vaccine-autism scare was faked, disowned by every coauthor who could be contacted, and eventually retracted by the journal that published it, knowing all this and hearing this statement I am led to wonder what the fuck do you have say in this country to show that you are not a competent physician and have your license taken away?

I'm dead serious. How are these people practicing medicine? Flaunting your credentials while saying that vaccines cause autism seems to me to be mass malpractice, hurting people who are not even your patients. So, what I am asking is how does one see to it that someone's medical credentials are stripped? I really want to know. The Chicago Tribune seems to think that he may not be an asset to public health, at least they do in their unambiguously titled, "Autism doctor: Troubling record trails doctor treating autism."

"In the name of safety," the article says, "Dr. Mayer Eisenstein's practice embraces home births and shuns vaccines, but parents' lawsuits tell a story of harm and death."

It goes on:
[H]is suburban Chicago practice, currently known as Homefirst, garnered an alarming record: It was on the losing side of one of the largest U.S. jury verdicts -- $30 million -- ever awarded to the family of a newborn in a wrongful-death suit.

In court records dating back three decades, the families of dead and brain-damaged children repeatedly alleged that doctors who work for Eisenstein made harmful mistakes -- sometimes the same error more than once. His practice also has been dogged by accusations in court records that its offshore malpractice policy was phony.
So, I want to know what it takes to lose your fucking license. Someone please tell me.

HJ

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

"Dr." Joe Mercola clearly wants to set you on fire!

I mean, just look what arrived in my email this morning:


Which, of course, led me to a dark place:

Watch out when you make unverified medical claims, Joe. When you do, you are playing with fire!

HJ

Why Aren't You Reading Harriet Hall?

I mean, other than the obvious answer, that you are here reading me. Get out!


HJ

Screw you, Eugene, Oregon! You're nothing compared to Lansing! Hear me? Nothing!


Hjhop.blogspot.com's three-month global Alexa traffic rank is 978,724. The site is relatively popular among users in the cities of Lansing (where it is ranked #1,735) and Eugene (#3,053). About 95% of visitors to the site come from the US, where it has attained a traffic rank of 334,612. The fraction of visits to Hjhop.blogspot.com referred by search engines is roughly 3%. Visitors to this site view 1.4 unique pages each day on average.

HJ

Monday, November 1, 2010

Should we be vaccinating health care workers?

Note: The following is blog post is for Vaccine Awareness Week.
Also, Joe Mercola is a trouser weasel.

Hell, yes. If you are capable of getting a flu shot and you work with sick people, it should be simply unconscionable for you to put the people who trust you at additional risk.

Of course, the National Vaccine Information Center, which has the least accurate name since Intelligent Design, disagrees. Barbara Loe Fisher, who you may remember sued...everyone...last year (OK Amy Wallace and Paul Offit, as best I can tell) before her suit was dismissed, is panicking. Cripes, panicking isn't strong enough a word. She's like the Glenn Beck of vaccines.

She starts her article with her vaccination dystopia, which as a consumer of medicine, sounds pretty much like a paradise to me:
Doctors at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia are ordering all employees to get a flu shot every year or be sent home for two weeks without pay to “think about it.” Anyone, who still refuses to get a flu shot after that, is fired.
This statement is largely true. And good. The notion that someone who worked with immune-suppressed children might actually decide to not be vaccinated is unacceptable. In fact, keeping the hospitals as healthy as possible is an important factor in maintaining a healthy population during a health crisis. Also, the populations who you find in hospitals, including the elderly and the very young, are precisely the populations from whom flu exacts the highest toll. We can easily turn the question around: Should we force patients, who are a vulnerable population, to stay in hospitals that are not ready for a flu pandemic, where 2/3 of the medical staff (the number indicated her article who resist vaccination) are potential bearers of infectious disease? You're right, Barbara, and while we're at it, doctors should have the right to decide whether to wash their hands before they operate, and nurses should be allowed to opt out of mandatory hand sanitation because changing bandages.

I'm very glad Barbara does not have a position of meaningful influence.

But she anticipates a much larger project to (gasp) make people healthy!!!
[M]edical organizations [have launched] a national crusade to force everyone employed in a “healthcare setting” to get a flu shot every year, whether they have direct contact with patients or not. That’s right. Not just doctors and nurses, but every single person who has anything to do with the health care facility, including students, volunteers, and contract workers.
She's talking about the American Academy of Pediatrics and, ahem, epidemiologists. Students, volunteers and even contract workers do come into contact with patients--hospitals are positively crawling with sick people!

OK, we can come to a compromise, I think. We can just ban sick people from hospitals. There. Everyone is happy.
An exception could be made if the doctors in charge approve a “medical exemption” to vaccination, which, today, is about as hard to get as a job.
You should cultivate some meaningful job skills, then, Barbara.
Then she jumps the shark:
It is not a pretty sight to watch doctors acting more like thugs than healers.
Who says you can't be both thug and healer? I give you Dr. Dre.
When doctors threaten people with financial ruin for refusing to shut up and salute smartly, there is something wrong.
No, something is wrong when knowledgeable healthcare professionals knowingly put patients at risk. And it's clearly hospital administration, not doctors, who have the authority to apply this rule to their workforce. Why are you demonizing doctors?
Trust is replaced with fear and anger. People start asking questions. Questions like: Who will be threatened and punished next for refusing a flu shot?

The answer is YOU, me, and every American.
Now, who's replacing trust in doctors with unjustified fear and anger, you unreflective hypocrite? But we are going careen off the Cliff of Common Sense into Chemtrail-Crazy Canyon:
We are next in line because when doctors trade in their white coats for military uniforms, going after their own is just the first step on the road to going after the rest of us. If this latest power grab is allowed to set precedent in America, the only question in the future will be: how many vaccines will we be forced to take or lose our jobs, our health insurance, our right to enter a hospital, or receive medical care, or get on a plane, or check into a hotel if we can’t prove we have gotten vaccinated?
I noticed that she stopped citing sources a couple of paragraphs back. As much as I enjoy the paranoid delusions of others, this has just gotten strange. She then jabbers inanely about Hitler and the Nuremberg Trials, as if well-establish public health measures were in any way related to what happened in the Holocaust. You trivialize the enormity of the suffering of Europe's Jews and other ethnic and political minorities. Badly.
Take Doctors & Scientists Off the Pedestal

Now, we come full circle to 2010, as we witness doctors in positions of authority threatening people with loss of employment and financial ruin if they refuse to get injected every year with influenza vaccine, a vaccine that carries two risks: the risk of injury or death and the risk of not working at all.

Why are we letting fellow citizens with M.D. or Ph.D. written after their names to tell us what kinds of risks to take with our lives or the lives of our children? Why do we continue to put doctors and scientists on a pedestal in America and fail to put boundaries on the power they too often wield with callous disregard for the informed consent ethic, civil liberties and individual human life?
Clearly, energy workers are better credentialed and qualified to make public health decisions than physicians and otherwise credentialed experts. First of all, when you consider it is generally not the physicians who are requiring this in hospitals, you look like an ass. A multicolor baboon ass in 3D IMAX format, actually. Nonetheless, I have always been struck by the knee-jerk devaluing of expertise in our country, what Hoffstadter wrote about in his Anti-Intellectualism in American Life. There is, of course, no reason to allow physicians to do whatever they like, but their expertise should have a bearing on public policy. I honestly have worries that someone who does not believe that vaccinations are generally safe and effective may not have the required expertise or competency to work in a hospital. I think that is why so many alt health quacks go it alone--they simply don't have what it takes to be the profession. We have to have minimum standards when it comes to cultivating public health, and krill oil salesmen, back-crackers and vitamin hawkers just don't cut the mustard.

HJ