This Week in Conspiracy, the early edition...

Tomorrow, I will probably be working on my syllabus and won't be able to prepare Monday's This Week in Conspiracy, and I know this because time travelers from the future sent Nicola Tesla to tell me and deliver a superweapon of his devising.

• Is the Catholic Church a child-rape ring? No. But something that for decades behaved something like it. This was my favorite phrase.
• Nicholas West explains nothing, understands less.
• "There is every likelihood that what we are seeing today is that the Indians and the US-backed regime in Kabul are using water as a weapon for the first time to deluge Pakistan. There is no doubt about it."--from The PakTribune, which is bonkers and makes its readers dumber.
• Birther Oily Taints has to pay $20,000 fine.
• That ol' butthole Timothy Green Beckley has another goofy book coming out: The Curse of the Men in Black: Return of the UFO Terrorists.
• "The Pros and Cons of Alien Visitation"
• Fidel Castro, who is clearly going senile, likes a book about the Bilderbergers.
• Why conspiracy theories are dangerous--they end up in mosque protests, attempts to repeal Constitutional Amendments and charges of treason or illegitimacy against public officials, thoroughly fucking democracy.
• Best blog post title of the week: "America Secretly Ruled By Zombie Pigs and Khazar Bankers, Says Important Book"
• O noez! De hooomanists conspiwaceez!
• Is Mr. Wikileaks being manipulated by the CIA? Why won't they give Julian Assange his pigment and eyebrows back?
• 1 in 5 Americans not qualified to be Americans.
• The imam at the New NY cultural center is a globalist stooge, not a terrorist. We can all rest assured. Thanks, Alex Jones!
• "Fringe Gains Ground" (Lace holds steady.)
• From American Free Press (motto: "You say it, we print it.": Unidentified source says something ridiculous!
• Al Duncan, Clearly a pity hire at the Record-Bee: "Look Out! The Trilateral Commission!"
• Robber fighting New World Order gets 8 years in Canada. NOW who will protect us?!?! (Also, I don't mean he gets shipped off to Canada for 8 years like it was a Siberian gulag.)
• Squirrel baby controversy. Not as cool as you would think.
• Some people just have too much time on their hands. (Look at my blog, for instance.)
• And now, some entertainment from wackjob Woody "Goats on Fire" Harrelson (How is this guy still alive? Also, where else are thoughts going to come from, Einstein?):

• Nigel is concerned about alien gynecology.

Conspiracy Theory of the Week

This week's conspiracy fail comes from a site that has the very considerate warning:

Warning: The following article may trigger flashback. If the reader has experienced in-home or facility abuse involving possible forced RFID implanting, please read with care, preferably with a trusted significant other.

That's mighty powerful stuff! It turns out that the whackosphere is trumpeting a court case that they claim shows that a plaintiff has proved he is being assaulted mentally with an implanted chip. Here's my fair-use quotation of this daft article:

Few American doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists will break rank or brave the new world of high-tech electronic abuse some of their patients report but evidence mounts that increasing numbers of innocent citizens targeted for U.S. state-sponsored terror are being secretly brain implanted with U.S. RFID chips without their consent for no-touch torture and mind control plus experimentation. One man evidenced this in court; won his case; and now prepares for a continuation in federal court, due to be equally explosive.

So you follow the links to see the details of the case, which include some documents, and they are revealing. The judge's ruling, however, is clearly far from endorsing the view that RFID chips are being put inside people's heads.

It reads that the defendant shall not "text message, email, 3rd party contact and no contact by any electronic means." Beepers, communicator badges and Dick Tracy wrist phones are closer to the type of communication the judge is thinking about than are RFID chips. So why do the insane think that this vindicates their clinical delusions about the CIA torturing them? It's probably because the plaintiff is one of them. Notice, for instance some of the charges that he puts forward:

The way it's being spun, of course, is crazy (the link is to a WIRED article that seems willfully dumbed down). The phrase "electronic weapons" is not used, and it's not even implied, really. What I see is a mentally ill person actually being harassed by email and phone by another person. His delusions make it into the documents alongside his legitimate complaints. Of course, that has not stopped the professionally crazy from intervening:

Rep. Guest's letter is embarrassing for its lack of perspicacity. It is a document without wisdom, and he should have more than "pleas for truth" before he takes his ill-informed opinion to a court.

HJ