This Week in Conspiracy (8/10)

Donald Rumsfeld has weakened my will by putting aspartame in my soda and now commands me to write about the week that was weak, even if it is a day late.

We have a lot to get through today, and now I'm going to start with a feature I am going to call "Future Conspiracy Theories of Today Already." I am going to try to forecast the conspiracy that will come from the otherwise mundane news item:

This is breaking news:

Former Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens Believed Aboard Crashed Plane

Company: Ex-NASA chief O'Keefe on Crashed Plane

This has all the signs of either an attempted military-industrial complex assassination, killing two birds with one stone. Because O'Keefe is associated with NASA, it may be an assassination attempt to prevent disclosure of what we know about the aliens, as the MIC wants to keep the fountain of knowledge that is alien technology a private fountain of technological and potentially profitable proprietary knowledge. Or Sarah Palin had them killed. You see, she is from Alaska.

Now, the list of conspiracy news:

• Colorado Teabagger suggests biking is a gateway drug to Comm'nism. Also, London Mayor Boris (coincidence?!?!?) Johnson, noted by Jeremy Clarkson for putting his house just within the ring of where the congestion tax applies, now foists evil commie bikes upon unsuspecting Londoners!
• Shroud of Turin appears in crop circle. Still unconvincing, but I applaud the people who made it.
• If "anchor babies" are disallowed, then does Bobby Jindal have to go to...wherever the hell?
• Ousted Inglis wishes he had...apparently sort of agreed with nut-jobs (the article title is misleading).
• Man on Internet unstable--notice how he is a nazi-nazi:
• God bless people like Dan Maes who speak the TRUTH. We the People of the Tea Party are the only ones standing up to expose the fact that Obama is a marxist, communist, fascist, nazi, muslim, Kenyan extremist nazi who is a puppet of the New World Order trying to decimate the American population and install Sharia Islamic law on the USA! Everyone listen to Dan Maes and vote Republican in November as if your life depended on it. It just might!
• Poo as metaphor for government. From Canada.
• Climate weapons (ho-hum)
• "Who needs 60 years of historians' consensus? The Nazis were leftist Marxists! Also, I sleep with my head in a catcher's mitt."
• A new favorite woo site: The Vigilant Citizen here's a sampling of their potent, high-grade goofiness from the last few weeks: The Dark Side of Vitamin Water, Illuminati Infiltration of Korean Pop Culture, Megan Fox's Mind Control Photoshoot
• On the spread of conspiracy theories: in Turkey, in the West
• Notice how Vigilant Citizen filed the stress-vaccine theory in the last link under "dumbing down of society." Delicious, delicious irony.
• NewWithViews showed up this week. Are the Illuminati-Socialist-Pagans staging a Children's Crusade? Also, I will be writing about another of their articles later this week.
• The Ministry of Defense releases top-secret baby drawings of UFOs. More coverage here, here, here.
• Alex Jones's site's report on "conspiracy theory denial," or what I call common sense. Actually interesting because it illustrates a number of fallacies, not for anything good that it says.
• Misbehaving podiatrist and butt of all jokes everywhere, Dr. Roger Leir (seriously, this asshole was ripped a new...asshole on P&T), interviewed on the radio.
• Ah, Gordon Duff, you almost let me down this week. But you came through in the end, you nut.

CONSPIRACY THEORY OF THE WEEK:

The Taliban is training monkeys to shoot at US troops.

That's it folks. I'm sorry this one was a little late. I was kidnapped by aliens and have missing time.

HJ