This week in conspiracy (5 July 2010)

The Jesuit overlords who control me through telepathic Vril energy are compelling me to write another roundup of the week that was weak.

In this edition, I am going to start with piss-poor panic on the left that I noticed right after I finished last weeks roundup, so I've been sitting on this one a while. It is a tall glass of Susie Madrak's watery caca that appeared on Crooks & Liars:

• U.S. Ships Massing Off Iran Coast As Israel Prepares To Strike

Again? This has happened on a biweekly basis ever since the Eisenhower administration. I generally like Crooks and Liars, but this was pretty bad. Mega-fail.

• Ann Arbor crackpots during Hutaree raids: "Saddle up! De Noo Wurld Oderz is a-cummin!"
• "The IMF: A Global Fed?" Presumably by this they mean, "will slightly adjust with short-term lending rates."
• Big Idiot (at Big Hollywood): "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! KILL ME!" Please let me know if you can figure out what this guy is saying.
• Conspiracists are not helping in the Gulf (misinformation hamstrings those who would otherwise be productively politically active).
• Brittney Spears is dead. I saw it on the web. Actually, she's going underground to expose the Illuminati, you know, to help Michael Jackson (actual conspiracy theory I saw).
• Michelle Bachman: "Wubble! Also, I don't want the US to be in a global economy." Always has been, Sugar-tits. (Hey! Those ARE cold!)
• AP: Lewis Farrakhan accuses Jews of keeping the black man down. After all the Rothchilds did for you, instigating and funding the Civil War and then Jews allowing blacks to participate in government, you do that? Claaaaasy.
• Polls, schmoles.
• King Tut's missing penis.
• See? Photoshop proves Obama is the Antichrist!
• Aah! A list of oil spill conspiracy theories.
• Glenn Beck's weekly contribution to the manure pile: El-Saso Loreno. (If anyone gets that joke, let me know.)
• When the NWO doesn't start, I don't know, microchipping our rectums or whatever, will Steve Magill apologize? Of course not.
• Canada: exceedingly polite or EVIL!?!?!?! (Canada is the butt of many conspiracy theories, I'm noticing.)
• How's your raping and enslavement going? Mine's fine.
• Seriously. This guy needs fucking medication. He loses it about half-way through.
• More Americans will take wiretapping over...the census (holy fucking shit).
• Is Lady Gaga a puppet of the Illuminati, or is Christina Aguilera?
• HOLY FUCKING SHIT! A mosaic mural I did some work on years ago (actually had the business records of the installation in my hands) is Illuminist symbolism! HAHAHAH! WRONG!!!
• OH NO! The Bilderbergers aren't meeting! Run away!

That's it, folks. The Space Pope is sending me messages on my Korg A3, so I need to go.

HJ