Internet multiple personality disorder, and the joys thereof...

I have a pair of facebook accounts. One for me, one for Bing. Except for occasional cleaning purposes, I never check Bing's account. Today was one of those rare days, and last month, someone calling themselves "Maxine Wilson" sent me an email:

Maxine Wilson

Hey Bing!

Sounds like you share a commonality with your spokesperson. You both forage for grub, you both drink incessently, and you both have a relentless urge for sex. Why should your life be any less valuable than the one who disparages it? Furthermore, it appears you both are equally unemployable.

Bing, do you blog on Facebook? Your mouthpiece does. Is this a worthy feat? I would say not any worthier a feat than your zoning out on your lily pad. Bing, pay no attention to this asshole, much less the asshole who dreams of cheetos-shitting cats when he falls into his drunken stuper. OMG, do I sound like an ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST? I am. Is Lindy my spokesperson? You bet! Sounds like you two assholes think you have dominion over Bing because you walk upright. And yet one of you is so sloshed he can't even crawl, most likely confined to his pad. i

And it just cuts off there. Apparently her head exploded. Heehee. Lindy...animal rights activist..hm. Sounds familiar... Oh, that odious raccoon-fucking clown with a neck that looks like Yoda's ass, Lindy Green? I remember her! What's that old granola-snorting goat been up to? Decline, obviously.

Her message is almost incoherent, as you can see. (Hey, DM! I think I found a possible fuck buddy for you!) I enjoyed it very much. What have you been up to? Clearly not watching as many kitten-crushing fetish videos as I have. This totally made my day. Thanks, Lindy! As always, every time an animal rights nutter contacts me, I name a steak and have it for dinner. Yum! Tonight I shall eat Little Tina.

Bing's last known photo. Very Silence of the Lambs.

HJ