Better now...

Once, when I was in college, I slept through the final exam. It was an essay exam for a lit class I needed for my major. And when I realized that I had totally and completely fucked myself, I met it with a rather detached sense of amazement that someone could do such a thing. That it was me did not enter into it. I had already completely and totally accepted...whatever fate wanted to do to me. I think that is about where I am with my article. I'll work on it a little tomorrow, but I've decided that I will not give much more time to it. One final revision, and then I change course. It has to be that way.

I am currently reading Mistakes Were Made by Tavris and Aronson. It's a charming little book about cognitive dissonance; Tim Farley (who runs What's the Harm?) recommended it to me after my talk the other day. Of course, I am now second guessing every memory I have ever had, thank you very much. I tell you, it's strange but I am applying what I have been reading there over the last few days to my reaction to the sinking realization that my article may not be as awesome as I thought. I've even been looking to blame the people who have been reviewing it, a big self-deluding no-no. It's a damned hard thing to keep focused on the reality of the situation, but worth the effort, I keep telling myself. (See that? Turning a failure into a positive! Let's hear it for reducing dissonance! Yay! Sigh!)

HJ