Ex-Coach Dave Daubenmire: Too Thin-Skinned for Politics

Even though it is clear to the naked eye from geosynchronous orbit that Dave Daubenmire is unqualified to be in Congress, even as a tourist, Dave is pissing and moaning that he was forced out of the race after getting reamed by most of the rest of the field. Haha. Ah. Democracy works, you see? When an unpleasant, unhinged hat-befouling feeb fails at even a modest attempt to reenter public service (how's that public high school job working out for ya, Dave?), the unpleasant, unhinged hat-befouling feeb blames the mob. Seriously, tell me if there is any reason that he should have won the primary. It's called: "I led with the cross."

I lost my race for Congress last night. It played out pretty much the way I envisioned it would. I had warned the Tea Party movement that they better pick a horse in the primary or they would wind up with a choice between two Bob Dole clones in November.

That is exactly what they got. Here are the results. The virtual tie between the top two “conservative” Republicans will require a recount, but it won’t matter. There isn’t a nickel’s difference between them.

Candidate % of Votes Number Of Votes

Gibbs, Bob (R) 20.97% 10,953
Dailey, Fred (R) 20.66% 10,789
Moll, Jeannette (R) 19.00% 9,922
Hood, Ron (R) 15.59% 8,140
Daubenmire, Dave (R) 11.91% 6,221
Liggett, Hombre (R) 7.69% 4,017
Royer, Michael (R) 2.48% 1,295
Bromberg, Beau (R) 1.69% 884

Consider this. No matter who wins, 80% of the voters did not vote for the standard bearer.

Or put another way, 90% did not vote for you. Because you are horrid.

The top three are all Republican hacks.

Claaaaaaaasy. Not: "The voters have spoken." Not, "Let's get 'em in November." Maybe the fact that you are a narcissistic jackass interested only in self-promotion is the reason you lost thunderingly.

The bottom five ran against the machine.

I assume you mean the bottom five people in the nation, of which you are certainly one.

With no Tea Party endorsement the votes were spread out among the “citizen” candidates. The Tea Party candidates win the most votes….except the Tea Party wanted to remain neutral. Because the Tea Party votes were spread around the voters get to choose between Bob Dole and Zack Space in November.

So, it wasn't your personality deficiency? Your inability to not piss off everyone you meet? Your turd-ness? Dude, even the fucking Tea Party isn't crazy enough to endorse you. Take a goddamned hint.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother...

I'm going to guess untreated brain-devouring syphilis, but you'd need a blood test to confirm that.

But let me share a few important lessons that I learned.

"Do not put your face in a fire to get its pretty on you."

• It is very difficult to defeat the Political machine. They are ruthless, dishonest, and well funded. They choose the candidate, fund the candidate, and oppose anyone who challenges the status quo.

Also, they direct that money and influence away from lunatics on the loose. This I believe factored into your loss.

• Most folks are all bark and no bite. Very few in my circle of friends lifted a hand to help; they didn’t take a yard sign, write a check, or offer any assistance; Most didn’t even encourage their friends to vote for me: not as much as an email to their list in support of my run.

"FUCK YOU, ALL OF MY FRIENDS!" See why you lost? This supports my hypothesis that most people you know merely tolerate you. It also suggests that the people who know you personally have have no confidence in you as a person. Maybe you should be a hermit.

• The day after the election many of my friends are contacting me and saying “Hey, you could have won. I never dreamed you could get that much support.” No wonder we lose.

They are only saying that because they are afraid you will bite them and give them rabies. And when you lose, everyone wins, Dave. Which means we win pretty much constantly, loser.

• Less than 20% of the registered voters turned out to vote. Only 51,421 votes were cast. If only 4733 Evangelicals had turned out and voted for me I would have won. Do you suppose there were 4733 Christians among the 205,684 who didn’t go to the polls?

FUCK YOU, CHURCH!

• Despite what you hear in the news people are still not hurting enough.

Perhaps you should not have made "People are still not hurting enough" your campaign slogan?

I am full of energy this morning. The Lord has given me an indomitable spirit, and a certain belief that the our King is about to do something wonderful in our midst. As John Paul Jones declared in the face of certain defeat “I have not yet begun to fight!” I am convinced more than ever than I am treading the right course.

*Blink* *Blink* There you have it, folks. A man who mistakes lunacy as "indomitable spirit." Hey, it's a guy thinks defeat is a victory. You know, like when the ACLU defeated him soundly and he resigned his position instead of deal with the fact that he lost big time.

Pathetic. Keep it up, Dave!

HJ