Bodie Hodge Advertises His Upcoming Humiliation!

In the next few weeks, Answers in Genesis' special-needs administrator, Bodie Hodge, is going to be addressing your very basic, your "I-can't-believe-I-have-to-say-this-to-a-grown-up-who-bred" questions. He gives us a heads-up as to what questions he is going to answer. I think that I am going to try and test my psychic powers. On the left, I will give my predictions for what Bodie is going to say; on the right, I will give the correct answer.

* Did the serpent originally have legs?

He'll either say, "Not necessarily," or if he argues from the English translation, "No serpent has legs, as if it were a very astute piece of original biology.

It's like asking, "Does the tooth-fairy use birth control?"

* Shouldn’t the Woman (Eve) have been shocked that a serpent spoke?

He'll say, "The Bible does not rule it out."

A few days ago, she was someone else's rib. Also, God is her tailor (Gen 3:21). Nothing phases this chick.

* Wasn’t Satan the serpent, not some animal?

Actually, this is interesting, because Genesis doesn't actually say it was the devil. It's been interpreted as the Devil forever.

All fables have talking animals. It is characteristic of the form.

* Why do we get punished for what Adam did?

He'll quote the Bible about how we are all sinners or some such shit.

It's clearly the evil gene.

* Is original sin (sin nature) passed through the father’s genetic line?

I think he will say yes, because Jesus who was born without sin didn't have a baby daddy.

Who asks that question?

* Biblically, could death have existed before sin?

God said everything was very good, and because death is bad, death could not have existed. If a huge rock fell on Adam, he would not have been crushed. It would have bounced off of him like he was Superman. So gravity did not work before the fall either.

Why not ask the tribes Adam and Eve's kids bred with? Or, why is God talking about death where there is no death. I mean, they would not have understood "death." It would have been without precedent.

* Why didn’t Adam and Eve die the instant they ate the fruit?

"Ah, but can you not also build a bridge out of stone?"

Why not ask the tribes Adam and Eve's kids bred with? Or, why is God talking about death where there is no death. I mean, A&E would not have understood the concept of "death," in much the way Bodie would not understand the concept of a breath mint. (I was at the museum, you remember.) It would have been without precedent. Actually, the Bible doesn't literally say that Eve should not eat the fruit. She's not around until after Adam is told. We just assumed it because God punishes her too, but it could be that he could just really fucking hates women.

* Did Adam and Eve have to sleep before the fall?

If sleep provides some restorative function, then no, because anything that was perfect would not have to be restored. But they might have anyway, you know, for fun.

*SMACK* GET! *SMACK* A! *SMACK* REAL! *SMACK* JOB!! *SMACK SMACK SMACK*

* If Adam knew of good and evil, because he was programmed with language, then why did God create the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil?

"Words schmurds."

Adam and Eve actually communicated telepathically. Language is but a pale reflection of the ideal world of Platonic forms.

* How can God, who is, according to Scripture, perfectly Holy, create anything that can be unholy (or fallen)?

"He didn't. We fucked it up," or "It is not of God's nature."

Hey, do the math!

* Shouldn’t Eve have been a clone of Adam?

Goddidit! Don't bring science in!

Cain and Able were the product of very elaborate masturbation.

* Was Abel eating meat soon after the curse when he wasn’t supposed to be (Genesis 1:29), since he kept the flocks and sacrificed an animal in Genesis 4:2–4?

"No."

"Oh who the fuck cares?"

* When did Adam and Eve rebel?

"Just after the beginning...."

"Eve probably did after God issued his fatwah on her, since she wasn't implicated in the original commandment.)

* How long ago was the Curse?

He'll say, "It is ongoing! Look at all the evil."

There is no curse. There are no talking serpents. There are no rib-ladies. There are no knowledge-apples of death.

* Wasn’t the Curse and death a good thing to keep the earth from being over populated?

"No. Only a liberal would say that."

"Only a Christian could possibly formulate so stupid a question.

Bodie concludes:

The first installment of this new series lands next week. Get equipped for this skeptical age.

I bet it makes a plopping sound when it lands. Prepare to defend yourself against critical thinking and reason, Christians! En garde!

HJ