Tuesday, March 31, 2009

White Supremacist Poetry Slam #12

The yokels at Stormfront, the online Walmart of racism, produce poetry without the sanction of their betters (basically everyone). At that site, like their grandparents, they commit war crimes, only this time against the language. Nonetheless, they only hear the praise of other ill-educated rat bastards. I have tried to make this a forum where they can get honest feedback from a vastly overeducated rat bastard.

Behold the awful that is whitemike84:(Click image to embiggen.)

What places mikey here on the short bus short list is the following statement in an addendum where he tries to explain what he was getting at in the poem, other than my will to live:
The Jews, Negros, and other undesirables is our current obstacle to achieve our racial freedom.
No, I'd say it's subject/verb agreement. Keep on rocking, retard.

HJ

Serendipitous Doohickey

On the walk from my car to campus this morning, I found a jump drive. I picked it up, intending to see if there was any identifying information. If I knew who they were, I could arrange for them to pick it up. (I know that I would shit unbelievable piles of panic if I lost my jump/thumb drive. I do the same thing when I meet a stray dog, usually.) There was no identifying information on the drive at all, just a folder full of pictures of an unidentified office, full of unidentified people, doing unidentifiable things (well, sitting around looking like someone is taking a picture of them sitting around). Damn it. But one photo gave me a laugh, and since the photo is without an owner, I thought that I would share that picture with you. It is from a picture of someone's desktop workspace:

Click to embiggen.

End of story? I deleted the other pictures and have a new thumb drive.

Yay!

HJ

Monday, March 30, 2009

AiG's Resident Theosophist Georgia Purdom: "The Biblical Curse is Over! Madame Blavatsky Told Me!"

While I learned in grad school that most people can get a Ph.D. if they try, Georgia Purdom proved to me that anyone could get a Ph.D.

With that in mind, I turn to what promises to be a glittering nugget of virtuoso awful: "No Taste for Meat?" Seriously, this could be a case study for evolution, but she misses the point.

As the proud owner of several cats over the years, I can honestly say I have never observed them refusing meat when it was offered to them. But that was exactly the “attitude” of a lioness by the name of Little Tyke. She refused to eat meat and was fed solely a diet of various grains, milk, and eggs. While we might be tempted to consider this lion a freak of nature, what can this vegetarian cat show us about biblical truths?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that they will, like all of nature, reveal exactly how positively bizarre your beliefs are.

Who was Little Tyke? According to the vegetarian website "vegetarismus," who Georgia uses as an authority, Little Tyke was a cub born to a mother lion who "destroyed her offspring as soon as they were born. Four times in the last seven years, her powerful jaws had crushed her newborn cubs, furiously throwing them against her cage's bars where they tumbled, lifeless." Why did she do this? I am not making it up that they say:
Her life mocked its former freedom. She lived a caged animal, taken from the wild and tortured by those who captured her. Did she feel that by destroying her cubs they would be spared the humiliation that she endured?
So suddenly this is the plot of Beloved? Hey, guys! Protein helps build healthy brain cells! I have never seen a more ridiculous anthropomorphic characterization of an animal in my life. Well, except for the face-eating-chimp lady. And these are ridiculously politically aware lions: mama protests her enslavement and baby swears off meat? Retards.

These highly regular nutjobs in turn got their information about Little Tyke from this outfit, a religious animal rights group. (Only male otters can be priests.) Sure, why not? I mean, people are fucking up goats and rams all the time in the Bible, mostly because God likes the smell (Genesis 8:21). Why not pretend God likes animals? Way to go! These secondary (or possibly tertiary) wackaloons preface the story with:
Once upon a time, in 20th century America, there lived a lion who refused to be violent. Those who cared for her tried to train her to behave in a way they thought was dictated by nature—but she refused. Instead, she taught her keepers that man's idea of what constitutes "natural" animal behavior, is not necessarily what God created the animals to be.
The fairytale beginning is ironically appropriate when you consider the positively unnatural circumstances in which the animal was raised. Let's say that Little Tyke's natural state was to be a vegetarian. If she had been raised in the wild and refused to eat, she would have died. It is as simple as that. The only reason she had a reprieve from this fate was because there were people slamming food substitutes into her constantly. Her survival, while happy, was decidedly not natural.

But let's go to where the religious people got their story of the lion that still died young and horribly. The article that vegetarismus cites is a book review of Little Tyke, published by, let's see, oh...delicious...The Theosophical Publishing House, publishers of books on Yoga (which is evil, according to fundies), resolving Intelligent Design and Evolution, or in Georgia's language, "compromising," tarot, and, oh delight!, according to their main page "a comprehensive selection of Theosophy titles by noteworthy authors like H.P. Blavatsky." Madame "Fraud Itself" Blavatsky! The 19th century, thoroughly debunked (so debunked she burned down her house to hide the trap doors that had been found) parlor psychic! HAHAHAHA!! (That quote, by the way, is almost invisible in the fine print. I wouldn't want to publicize my association with her either.)

Fuck, I didn't know people still took M. Blavatsky seriously! There's a future post in that for sure!

Now, Georgia, is this a credible source? Well, credible enough for your purposes, I suppose.

Anyway, let's pretend that Little Tyke was a real animal that died of a cold at age 9. (Not a very healthy obligate carnivore, what with lions often living up to 20 years in captivity!) What could this possibly have to do with Genesis? I'll let our public dipshit/stealth theosophist explain:
The diet of Little Tyke (various grains) may have more closely resembled that of the original cat kind.
Oh, sweet stanky senior citizens, there is so much wrong with that sentence. First is the made up category of "kind," which is Creationist for "fuck you, respectable biological taxonomic classification." Second, Georgia, my sweet defect, were the original cats hand-reared with baby bottles and veggie cat-chow? Were they eating eggs (unfertilized ones, of course)? Full grown and supping at mama's teat? Please. And does this mean that the curse is over? (Titter.) Did you miss the Rapture? (Titter.) Or perhaps this this cub was a virgin birth? (Triple titter.)

Listen, my whole point of this was to draw out her sources of authority, and quite frankly, she was not discerning, to use the fundie term. I can't verify that this animal was what everyone said, well, I mean, unless the site is "Vibrational Gaia Rising"! HAHAHAHA!! You suck, Georgia!

This is how Harry Potter takes over...by insinuating himself into culture! Hahahaha!

HJ

On the delicate handling of suddenly fat chicks...

I try to be a sensitive fellow--well, in real life, at least. I would rather engage in meaningful dialog with people about our lives instead of barfing mindless platitudes at each other's feet. Unfortunately, the socially safe way of conversing trends toward mindless safe platitude. Here is an example of platitudinous conversation, complete with stage directions!

[I am working on a Mac, possibly typing up this very post, not unlike what I am doing now. A teacher with whom I am on a sort of first name basis but who I have not gone out drinking with comes in to sign in. I quickly minimize the screen because I am reporting in real time on the conversation.]
Bing: "Hey."
Them: "Hey."
Bing: "Whatsup?"
Them: "Oh, not much."
Bing: "Yeah, how's that?"
Them: "Oh, lots of stuff going on."
Bing: "I hear ya. It's been that way with me."
Them: "Yeah. Me too."
[A pause.]
Bing: "So whaddya know?"
Them: "Oh, not much. We're doing peer editing in class today, so I don't really have much to do."
Bing: "Yeah, isn't that great?"
Them: "It's nice."
Bing: "Yeah."
[A pause.]
Bing: "So, you got some work done last night, I guess?"
Them: "Oh, not really. I watched TV."
Bing: "Yeah?"
Them: "Yeah."
[A pause. It's starting to feel like a Bergman film.]


Bing: "So you teach two classes today, right?"
[We both know this because they had 2 classes last week.]
Them: "Yeah. One in 504 and then the other in 507."

[A silence.]

Bing: "Well, you have a good class."
Them: "Mhm. Thanks."
I have this conversation about 15 times a day. All phrases completely interchangeable with one another or with other completely meaningless affirmations of the obvious. You crave variety after about 10 minutes. So when an instructor pops in who is clearly suddenly at least 7 months pregnant, I would like to say, "So, how's your pregnancy going?" You know, taking an interest in the state of their life and their personal well-being and such. Making connections with people. Letting them know that I am a good guy, that I am alright. That I have not, in fact, been lobotomized.

And the instructor is so pregnant. She rests her hand on top of her belly and rubs it unconsciously (for good luck?). Totally a pregnancy thing, that belly-rub. But I can not bring myself to bring up the screamingly obvious on the off chance that she just gained weight, even though I know that is not what it is. Just the mere chance that I could be wrong and suggest that she has transformed overnight into a husky instructor...oh, and it violates the first rule of polite social dialog: don't mention someone's appearance until they mention it first. I don't give a crap if they are clearly a burn victim who has had a triple amputation. To say, "Hey, what happened?" is certainly off limits until they say, "When I fell into that vat of acid...." And even then, you need to pretend like you assumed that they had fallen into a vat of acid all along, and even that remarkable conversation has it's own prefabbed G.I. issue platitude ready to go!: "Well, falling into a vat of acid will do that to you."

Yikes!

HJ

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Gearing up for a demotion...

Faced with the prospects of a future in which I cannot afford to get sick, I am going to submit to a battery of checkups, exams, probings o' the anus, and whatever else those vile medical professionals can come up with for me. All of this will be done during April. I need to see my internist, if I have one (I saw one a few years ago, but I believe that I saw a student/resident/something who was being supervised). Then, yikes, the dentist. Fuck that's going to be unpleasant. I haven't had dental for years, and now that I have it, I am too ashamed to go get a cleaning. I'm 32 and have never had a cavity, but that impressive run, I suppose, is coming to an end. And then I need to get my eyes examined, possibly replaced. I need new glasses, fer shure. All of this before I graduate to even more underemployed.

I don't care if the fellowship just happens to be ending. It still feels like a demotion.

I've been working the horns trying to ingratiate myself with other schools in the region, trying to get some adjunct work for the fall. Christ, that's depressing. It's not what I want. Now, there are a lot of people who enjoy adjunct work. I'm not them. Getting mugged is at least a straightforward transaction.

Grumble.

HJ

But I ordered an ice cream!

Frank Turek somehow ended up on my radar this morning. I've been working on something that relates to Howse's latest strange conspiracy/fetish, one that seems to be picking up speed on the nut-o-sphere, but I digress.

It's called: "Evolution cannot explain morality". The thesis is...OK, I'm sure you can guess. He disagrees primarily with Hitchens and Dawkins, he says, when they assert that evolution can account for morality. Let's then look at the examples that Frank throws up as challenges to the notion that "Common moral sensibilities (Don’t murder, rape, steal, etc.) help ensure our evolutionary survival."

1) Rape may enhance the survival of the species, but does that make rape good? Should we rape?
So much wrong with this, and it's all in the unstated assumptions. 1) What evidence is there that rape enhances the survival of the species? I mean, a good way to take yourself out of a gene pool is to rape someone (getting arrested, on a sex offender list, murdered by her brothers, etc.). 2) You think that the Darwinian equation is X enhances the survival of the species, therefore, X=good. That's not what evolutionists would claim. What we would see is that more successful survival strategies flourishing at the expense of the less successful ones. I mean, if we accept that there was no preexisting morality before there were people, whatever was most generally practiced by the first of us who were sentient and reflective about how things should be, whatever social system emerged by which we regulated our lives would be the one we took as the default "moral" position. No?
2) Killing the weak and handicapped may help improve the species and its survival (Hitler’s plan). Does that mean the Holocaust was a good thing?
Again, you are saying that the Darwinian equation is "X enhances the survival of the species, therefore, X=good." As I just pointed out, what rot. It is a species of straw man.
3) Evolution provides no stable foundation for morality. If evolution is the source of morality, then what’s to stop morals from evolving (changing) to the point that one day rape, theft and murder are considered moral?
Who is to say they aren't changing? Child rape is now considered immoral, whereas in some places, say, oh Christ's time, it was hunky-dorey (and Jesus would have agreed is was swell--consider how young his mom was!). Yet you find child rape abhorrent. The world screams that morals are constantly in flux. Social history suggests little else. You are mistaking what you would like the world to be like with what the world in fact is.
4) Dawkins and Hitchens confuse epistemology with ontology (how we know something exists with that and what exists). So even if natural selection or some other chemical process is responsible for us knowing right from wrong, that would not explain why something is right or wrong. How does a chemical process (natural selection) yield an immaterial moral law? And why does anyone have a moral obligation to obey a chemical process? You only have a moral obligation to obey an ultimate personal being (God) who has the authority to put moral obligations on you. You don’t have a moral obligation to chemistry.
There is a truly, truly painful "ouch" factor to the description of evolution as chemistry, but despite that, let's try to look at this especially dense nugget of goof.

"Chemistry = morality?" Evolution is not a morality, and it's not the type of thing that you obey or disobey. The laws of chemistry will be followed whether you are aware of them are not, as is evidenced by the majority of all history. Similarly, evolution has marched along just fine without us being aware of it for most of humanity's tenure on this moist rock. I mean, you have spiraled off of the deep end here and made up a cult of scientific-principle worshipers.

Also, you are assuming that there must be immaterial moral laws that exist outside of man. Of course, this is what you are hoping to be able to prove, so you are begging the question. Why can't the "moral" be that set of practices that generally seem to be called "moral"? This certainly seems to be the case, given that moralities have evolved and are still evolving.

Now it is conceivable that there is a physiological basis to morality. Take, for instance, the mirror neuron. Many of the same regions in the brain light up when we see something being done as when we actually do it. This is a pretty nifty mechanism that has a lot of explanatory potential. For instance, when we see someone suffering, we may have no choice but to transpose ourselves onto the person whom we see suffering, to empathize, and find it undesirable either to witness or to participate in! This is a hypothetical, but at no point do I need to "decide" that this is wrong. Now, to make other people understand that I find that undesirable, it may be easier to convince them that we are all on the same page to behave "as if" there is a transcendent moral law that we all "get"--something we can talk about, even if it is not really there. Not really a "thing" or "entity." Imagination, baby! It's a powerful thing!

HJ

Saturday, March 28, 2009

I think an amputation is in order.

I have incurred a writing injury. I'm not sure exactly what the problem is. It's my cuticle. ("Oh, doctor! Say it's not so! How long do I have?") A few days ago, I was paring my nails, if paring is the word I am looking for, and may have clipped the cuticle of my right pinkie-ring finger too close or something. I only realized that it was bleeding and noticed when I noticed it looked like I was typing on Charlie Manson's keyboard. Currently, I don't know that the intense pain that I experience every time I want to type the word "I" is because of exposed nerves or because it is infected. I think that it is staph--you know, the pimple bacteria! Only in my finger. For some reason, staph hurts like a bitch. So, liquid bandage it is, my friend.

I have a secret. I like looking at girls on the Internet. Not just any girls, mind you. The girls who are trying to sell me things. Take for instance, this girl, who strikes me for some reason as especially intelligent:

You are going to show me your tatas, aren't you, you sexy flirt? Well, I have too much respect for you, and quite frankly, I'm a little intimidated by the trampolinic qualities of your bosom. Kids get hurt on those things every year!

Also, why do I have the feeling that "tru" is not an accurate description of those?

By far, the most intriguing of the women I regularly see on the Internet is the girl who I am positive is writing me an email right now. If she would only hit send:

Hey, Yahoo! girl, aren't the people on the Internet so phony? When she is not at the library, where she is in charge of what in Texas would be considered the "obscene" literature, she is at home, where she collects antique radios and updates her blog: "Tales from the stacks!" Nummy. Sure it's a little strange that you sit around the house wearing a corsage, but I imagine that is one of the little quirks that will grown on me. We'll have all sorts of little inside jokes that our friends will not understand but will allow us to talk about our filthy escapades in public. Let me guess what you are drinking: 2% latte with 2 sugars. Am I right? You know I am.

Which gets me thinking about an entirely new category of women. Women who are known by the name of the products they sell. Take for instance, the Noxema girl, who has haunted me for ages:


GET OUT OF MY HEAD NOXEMA GIRL!

It would never work. My grandmother used Noxema, and every time I smelled you, I would have a flashback to childhood, and I might even call you grandma, which would be weird. You see, Noxema girl now works for the CIA's Remote Electronic Torture Program. So stop trying to control my mind by beaming images of yourself into it electronically! That's illegal, I'm sure!

HJ

Friday, March 27, 2009

Why does Brannon Howse fear black people?

Is it because he is scared of everything? Or is it just that highly emotional ninnies, unencumbered by reason or perspicacity, panic like chickens?

I mean, Jesus, Brannon, pull your head out of your ass. Fucking seriously.

Honestly, I'm starting to wonder whether or not Brannon has graduated from mere religious conspiracist to cult leader, his bizarre proclamations are becoming increasingly less tethered to reality.

I will start with an admittedly strange video that he linked to today, which is called by the person who posted/reposted it, "Militant Obama youth march to 'Alpha, Omega' chant."



This was embedded in a page under the header:

"Here Comes Obama's Red Shirts. The Bill, "Generations Invigorating Volunteerism and Education" (GIVE). Has passed the House and Senate It forms what some are calling "Obama's Youth Brigade. Sound Familiar to Germany?"
First of all, he means either "Brown Shirts or Black Shirts," the party enforcers of fascist Germany and Italy, respectively. The Red Shirts are the people on Star Trek who are instantly killed whenever they join Kirk on an away team. Also, you'd have to ask Germany if it sounds "familiar to" them. Similar. You mean similar.

Fuck. If it's not the conspiracy, it's the illiteracy. Brannon has all this and less!

If Brannon had watched this with a critical eye instead of just running it based on the headline, he would have noticed a couple of things:

1) Militant is hardly I would use for these kids. They are not a paramilitary group. I mean, fuck, it looks like a Fat Boys reunion, fer cryin' out loud.


I swear, if these kids come after you to rough you up, seriously, just walk away briskly.

2) They are restating platform issues, which leads me to suggest that this something that was done...during the campaign.

3) What type of fascist group marches around spewing platitudes about personal responsibility, being involved with families, and becoming chemical engineers? Totally a group of college students.

4) What type of militant group tries to convince people with talking points posted to YouTube?

5) The Alpha/Omega chant. That's something that needs some unpacking. Alpha/Omega, perhaps as in Alpha Nu Omega, a black Christian fraternity, which seems to me just the type of radical group that would...spew platitudes about personal responsibility! I was leaning in this direction when I showed the vid to Animala, and she said, "What, is that a fraternity? Yeah, they often have drill teams." I did not know this, having dutifully spent my college education in the Hesburgh Library, frollicking alone in the huge periodical section. Besides ND didn't have fraternities anyway, so I wasn't a loser.

Of course, given to imaginative flights of stupid, Howse, like a true conspiracist, shrewdly sees two entirely unrelated things as being part of some dark sinister plot. Take the email I got this morning inviting me to torture myself by listening to his show: House and Senate Pass Service Bill Very Similar to Hitler's Youth? (Link leads to Brannon's show. Never click.)

This is not the first time that the Hitler Youth (not "Hitler's," dipshit) has been invoked. The fucking Boy Scouts are more Hitlerjugend than these guys--the Scouts at least camp!

In this email, Howse reminded us of the, again, completely bogus charge that Obama wanted to establish a Hitlarian army of children. The only backing was a quote lifted completely out of context from in a section of a speech about funding the Peace Corps. THE FUCKING PEACE CORPS, BRANNON! Seriously. He is either staggeringly uninformed or a liar. Either way, nobody who doesn't want a laugh at his expense should listen to him. Assclown.
Brannon Howse reveals the largely unknown story of how the Obama's are taking national their radical, socialist, and anti-Christian worldview training that was birthed through their organization "Public Allies". The training will include "social justice" instruction which is code word for Communism, socialism and Marxism.
This is something else that wierdos who don't have a fucking prayer of being right often have to do. They claim A=not A. When you can substitute any one word for another, you make anything mean anything. For instance, when Brannon comes after me for libel after printing, say, "Brannon Howse's logic suggests to me that he has end-stage syphillis," I will simply say, "Well, clearly, 'end-stage syphillis' is just a codeword for 'has a radio show like Rush Limbaugh's. Only nobody hears it.'"

Also, are we fascists or communists, Brannon, oh word-not-understanding-one?

Brannon, you are a scaremonger and a petty intellectual dreg. Get out of the opinion business. You are a self-parody, a farce of a man, and a perpetual embarrassment machine.

These are the real paramilitary types that Brannon fears:



HJ

A quarter million minds ruined!

Well, I had my 250,000th visitor sometime during the night. And, surprise surprise, he was looking for pictures of Lisa Edelstein. He was also in Hungary, which I will say caught me a little off guard.

Happy Jihads House of Pancakes
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Hello there, Tibor! The world is watching you spank it on the Internet!

Many thanks to everyone who visits this site voluntarily. It gives me hope that I will eventually become revered as a deity knowing that I have been read by many times the number of people that Jesus would have preached to in his lifetime!

HJ

Thursday, March 26, 2009

OMIGOD! ZOMBIE WORSHIPPERS NOW EMPLOYING ZOMBIES!

Answers in Genesis, who pride themselves on their close, personal relationship with the Undead, have hired someone to work for them--who has been dead for 14 years!

Ahh. Long week. Working every day. I did want to mention something that happened to me yesterday. I was in one of my offices. I had locked my door and put a note on the window saying that I was unavailable and that anyone wanting to see me should not knock. You see, I was having a job interview on the phone. This is what I would call a "stage two" interview. The first stage is when they read my CV and letter and whatever else I have sent at their request. The second stage is when they give you the phone interview. The last stage is a campus interview. So, I was on second base.

The things this job has going for it. It's near St. Louis. It's a writing position. It's full time. There maybe two preps a semester.

The strikes against this job: It is a 4/4 teaching load (four classes each semester--often a research, publishing and career killing load), which is about 3 times the work I'm doing now. It only pays 1/5 more than what I currently make in my current appointment. The classes are 100% remedial English. 4/4. Remedial English.

Shoot me in the face with a bazooka.

The thing that scares me is how well my interview went.

One of the people in the conference call mentioned a mutual acquaintance who had done some work on Lord of the Rings and Tolkein. They asked me about that and if I could speak Elvish. "No," I said quickly, "But I can fake Klingon." Big laughs on the other end of the line. Timing is. Everything.

They asked me about my teaching and how a 4/4 load might interfere with my research and publishing. I said that my research often comes out of what I am doing in the classroom. I pointed to my current lit class as well as a book project I am working on, both of which came out of a composition class I designed and taught. "Oh, it's so refreshing to hear someone who gets fired up by their teaching," they said. What I heard, however, is, "We all hate our jobs."

Anyway, at the end, without me fishing for a compliment, one of the members said, "It was fun to talk to you. You interview very well."

That scares the crap out of me. Before bringing this up with my family, who would be the ones suffering if I could not pay my own way next year, I needed to talk to some other people on the job market and in the discipline. They had my reaction, turning only what I imagine was a shade of green when hearing the salary and description (I'm color blind, so they could have turned red or gray or something). The tenure track is called a "track" for a reason, and I don't think that this particular track is one that I would want to go down very far. I landed summer employment today, however, and fairly lucrative employment at that. I will be teaching English to incoming students at my current school. ($6000 Missouri dollars for 6 weeks of teaching--Sign me up! That's more than a semester of equivalent adjunct work.) We'll see. I talk about the contract tomorrow with the school. They also seem interested in keeping someone around next year to continue with the same students, which would be different for me, seeing the same group of students through 2 consecutive courses. It might be nice.

I am still waiting for Big Deal U to pass a sentence.

HJ

Curiosities of the Internet!!!

Well, this is a bit of information that nobody ever wanted to know about. I was trying to figure out a problem with Excel, and typed into the Firefox web search bar at the top of my screen, "How do I" and hit a "k" after it on accident: "how do I k," it read. Firefox, ever helpful was already on the case, and offered a number of suggestions. The top 3 suggestions in order:

  • How do I know if a guy likes me?
  • How do I know if I'm pregnant?
  • How do I know if a girl likes me?
Yeah, I'll let you read into that one.

HJ

"And He will raise me up on eagle's wings..."

"...or maybe not."

Crash pilot who paused to pray is convicted

PALERMO (Reuters) – A Tunisian pilot who paused to pray instead of taking emergency measures before crash-landing his plane, killing 16 people, has been sentenced to 10 years in jail by an Italian court along with his co-pilot.

Link[...]
A fuel-gauge malfunction was partly to blame but prosecutors also said the pilot succumbed to panic, praying out loud instead of following emergency procedures and then opting to crash-land the plane instead trying to reach a nearby airport.
HJ

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Space Cadet 1st Class David "Macho Man" Berman

David, damn it, why did you have to go and give your article such a great title? It's called "Are Conservative Christians Ignorant and Less Intellectual?" This from a guy who doesn't know the name of the town where he "earned" his Th.D. And "less intellectual" than what, exactly? (That link, by the way, is often considered my best piece.)

David, your whole article reeks of ignorance and deliberate anti-intellectualism.

There is no doubt about what the so called "progressives" (a fancy word for regressive socialists) feel about the intelligence of Christian conservatives. We all hear it from the elite media, it should be obvious just from their attack on Sara Palin alone.
OK, this elite media shit is just getting old. If you don't like someone, you just call them "elite." You see, it's easier to yell at someone for being elite than it is to actually do the work, earn your degree and actually make something of yourself. It's a populist tactic fueled by appeals to pathos, not logos. You inspire people to mediocrity and then praise them for it. Palin, furthermore, was simply not ready. She was manhandled mercilessly by Katie "One Halloween I Did the News in a Spongebob Outfit" Couric:

Oh, and it's spelled "Sarah." Fucktard.
You know the inferences of Christian conservatives as being a bunch of hay-seeds, ignorant of enlightened elitist's world views.
You can't go 2 lines without pulling the elite card. What you are doing is ridiculing your own constituency, and then claiming that people too smart to try to win people over by ridiculing them are the ones actually doing the ridiculing. The sad part is that they choose to believe you, which actually goes a long way towards answering your original question, doesn't it?
There is no end to it. Remember what they say about Obama. There is a rush to make him the savior and clearly the left sees him as intellectually superior to all those stupid Rush Limbaugh listeners.
You mean "dittoheads"? I mean, Christ, they are sheep-people by choice and identify themselves as such!

You know, what you are doing by calling libs elitist is the same as me calling you a dyed-in-the-wool racist for daring to challenge the serene wisdom of my lord and master B. O'Bama.
The "Progressives" (spare me that absurd title) have been pushing social and economic policies that have nothing to do with intellectual prowess, in fact just the opposite. When we examine factual evidence we can only come to the conclusion that it is not Christian conservatives that are ignorant and less intellectual. In fact it is the elitists "progressives" (Again, what a misapplied term).
Why, then, do you keep using misapplying the term? Some people (elites) are capable of learning and adapting.
For the purpose of making my point in this article I will refrain from making it a so typically "Christian article." I will not bring in matters of faith in this at all. I am going to simply and logically address some obvious things that only a person of "secular, socialist faith" would deny.
??? What does this even mean? "I am going to keep religion out of it and challenge wnat secularists believe." I think you just did a logical loop-the-loop. This article is the Top Gun of Goof!

Then Berman puts together one of his world-tedious lists. This is fine. He cites 4 examples of policies instituted by such liberals as Richard Nixon (say whaaa?) and inadvertantly suggests that inner city blacks are incapable of governing themselves. Even if he is right on all of these points (and excluding the bit where he says that liberals believe that "taxation leads to prosperity" which as far as I can tell came directly out of his ass), it's hardly much of an indictment of progressive liberalism. My favorite bit was where he bitches about the floating currency, as if gold in itself derived its value from itself--gold too is priced against other commodities. Just saying.
I could write example after example of the factual disasters caused by liberal policies. The above are just a few of those examples. So here is the question; When a Christian conservative points out the factual destruction of big government policies on the family, education, the economy, and the list goes on, why are they referred to as lacking intellectual capacity? Why is it that failed policies supported by those who advocated them are somehow enlightened? It is simple. The very people, who accuse Christian conservatives of being ignorant believers in what they can't see, are themselves, ignorant believers in what history plainly smacks them in the face with.
Well, he sure stuck to that religiously neutral thing for, like, a whole few seconds! See, the problem is David, even if liberal progressives do ignore evidence, it doesn't mean that you are any better at thinking. At best, it's a wash. And quite frankly, each of the examples that you site--the gold standard, the cost/benefits of federal education, and the War on Poverty (the tax one is balls)--each is overwhelmingly complex, and people have spent lifetimes, entire careers examining those issues. Apparently they all should have just listened to you.
The ideology of liberals is nothing more than blind faith in their historical failures cloaked in compassion. What a bad joke that is.
That was a joke? Oh. How staggeringly unfunny you are.
It is in this mindset that they hate conservatives and proudly call themselves "progressives." This word is supposed to imply that anyone who is conservative is against progress.
This, of course is not the case in fact. It is a convenient moniker. Now, if you will stop calling them "Pro-Abortion" advocates...
1) They say we are backward because we believe that there is a creator based on the evidence of creation. They believe in something coming from nothing.
No, you are backwards because your reasoning is perfectly circular. I think that not claiming to know exactly where we came from (only that it was certainly a lot more crowded and warm around these here parts way back in the day) is necessarily a bad thing. It is reasonable to suspend judgment when expert authorities still disagree. And by authorities, I certainly do not include preachers.
2) They say it is compassionate to help poor people and that must mean the government spending money. We say poor people must be helped in the private sector and held accountable for their actions. For example, we think you should not reward bad behavior. Liberals think it is compassionate to reward bad behavior and perpetuate the behavior. That is neither intellectual nor logical.
You are a cur. It is compassionate to help poor people, innit? And that does not mean that government has to spend money. I would love the private sector to pony up the dough, but the private business sector is primarily and overwhelmingly profit-driven. Charity doesn't really have much to do with it unless it is good P.R. Now, with respect to leaving charitable giving to individuals, if people don't give, for whatever reason, there are still poor people. What you are basically saying is that poor people deserve to be poor because of bad behavior. I think that this pretty much vindicates my opinion of you being a contemptible moral monster and moron. "Poor kids born into poor neighborhoods should be held accountable for having no opportunities. How dare they be born poor? The effrontery!" (Look it up.) Not everyone gets what they deserve, nor do they necessarily deserve what they get. We can, however, take coordinated action, and a good way to do this is through the one very large institution that can pool resources to make things suck less for everyone and is obliged by law to not selectively treat people like shit. (The govt. treats everyone or no one like shit! Yay!)
3) They believe people who can't afford a house, buy one, and are ready to lose it, should be bailed out by the people who made good decisions. We believe that people who bought houses they could not afford should lose them unless they can work out a deal with their lender.
No, you simp. They should lose their homes, but like I said, not everybody gets what they deserve. Let's say that we allow all houses bought unwisely go into foreclosure (and what about the people who could afford it but lost their jobs and then the economy went south, you heartless fuck?). The houses of people who made good decisions in the neighborhood, including the ones in your neighborhood, depreciate. Yeah, there is a real reason to float these people, and it's not blithely optimistic charity.
4) They believe that secular humanistic reason is the answer to all our problems. They often sight religion as causing wars. We believe that trusting human reason alone has proven in history to be a disaster. We also allow history to point out that by far more people were killed in wars by atheists (See facts about deaths in communist countries like China, Soviets, and Cambodia etc.).
Yeah, this one is so beneath me, I can't even begin to talk about it. Nobody killed someone else in the name of "not god." If you look at those groups/individuals who did the killing, many of whom were undeniably atheists, you will see a stunning similarity to the ideological rigidity of fanatic religousity. Often, the Great Leader becomes the object of worship, sometimes the ideology is invoked. Never is it devotion to reason. I mean, to make that claim, I think you would have to say that Soviet Communism was reasonable, wouldn't you? The problem is fanaticism, unthinking, emotional, unreasoned fanaticism.

I invite you to kick yourself in the nuts for your last paragraph, David, even though I did not go over it here.

HJ

AiG bonuses...

Well, I have finally succumbed to universal pressure. The masses demand to know what I think about the bonuses at AiG. 2 words: Get over it.

$165 million dollars? Fucking petty cash, comparatively. AiG has already taken $182.5 billion in public money. $165 million is .0009% of the bailout money that the company has taken, and they are going to take more (hopefully with some serious strings attached). You pay a vastly higher rate when you take cash out of the ATM. (I'm mad about that too. Hahah. Can you hear the rage?) [Update: Yurko was so kind as to point out that I am a moron: "I think you mean 165 mil is .0009 of 182.5 bil, which is .09%" I thought that something was suspicious when none of my students got less than a 650% last semester. I keep the incorrect calculation up as a testament to the failure of education in this country to make me not retarded.] Yes, it's obscene. Yes, the people who take the money deserve to be publicly shamed. Yes, it is in every way wrong when you compare it to my income and to your income, and we have hardly crashed any global economies personally. But in the big scheme of things, it's a sparrow fart.

I do think, however, that the government should start throwing around its ownership stake in these companies and start making some serious staffing changes, ones that reflect the public interest. Tying pay to performance would be a good start. Or just putting execs on a reasonable salary at a fair living wage.

Now, if you will excuse me, it's time to make the donuts.



HJ

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Diuerfe Frollickings Amongft Didgitall Catallogues, by H.J., uarioufly of Ft. Louis, Fouth Bend, and New Jerfey, with a forward by the fame

You know that you are meant to be an academic when, during your research for one project, say, a hypothetical survey of library databases for entries with Library of Congress headings related to American narratives of combat in the Second World War in order to document historical publishing trends (hypothetically, of course), and you come across something that totally distracts you in the library catalog. For me, it was the database Early English Books Online. It is a database that allows you to sneak a peak into the collections of some of the most important libraries, including the Bodleian, the Folger Shakespeare Library, the British Library, as well as the collections of Cambridge and Harvard, for instance. I have a feeling that a lot of this is simply an online version of already existing microfilm. I'm cool with that.

I have some experience in archives, and there is little more satisfying (for me) than having a printed artifact that has survived the ages working on you in exactly the same way it would have its original audience. Huge spans of time are bridged in that interaction with the printed word--you know that someone centuries ago, probably wearing a funny hat or a big poofy collar, held that same object in your hand. I think that the impulse for relic-gathering comes from a similar part of the human experience.

Anyway, this is what I found and it tickled me to no end (click all images to embiggen):

But I can't just leave it at that! Take this next medical text, about the analysis of "vyrns" (urines):

It reads:

The iudycyall of vryns consyderynge that it is expedyent for euery man to know the operation and qualites of his body, and to know in what state and condicyon his body standeth in, whiche can not be knowen so well as by the vryne in consyderation wherof this worke is collected and gadered out of ye sente[n]cyals sayngis of al auctours of phisike, to the entent that euery man myght brefly come to the knolage of ye p[re]misses, whiche sayd worke is diuided into. iii. seuerall bokes, where of the fyrst boke declareth pryncypaly howe vryn is gendered in mans body, [and] of his qualites with all ye hole workyng of nature in ma[n]nes body. The second boke treateth of colours in vryn, [and] what they signifye. The thyrde boke treateth of co[n]tens in vryn [and] what they signifye, [and] suche sekenesses as they signifye is there declared, [and] also ther causes [and] qualities wt many thynges moo, touchyng the seyens of phisike, as brefly doth apere in a tabull, in the latter ende of this boke. [1527]
That guy up there on the cover page? He's reading pee! Anyway, I wanted to see the "tabull" at the back (the table being a type of categorization that you only find, or, more precisely, can only be conceived in, in literate cultures), but you get something even more interesting, which if I may be allowed to speculate, shows something of the slow transition from a scribal culture to a print culture:

It seems to me that, despite the printed format, the marginalia is reminiscent of the type of script you would see on a manuscript. You know, little angels pointing to the important bits, the copyist's gloss. Also, the Gothic script used suggests to me the impersonation of formal calligraphy. Seriously, why make it harder to read if you don't have to? I think that smackbaby might have a thing or two to say about this transition from manuscript culture to print culture. This is only a generation or so after Gutenberg died.

How about a little "A la mode Phlebotomy" circa 1681?

Gotta love it! That's that for now. Got other work to do. But how was that for a fun hour?

HJ

Brannon Howse: "Snarky comment here."

This will be a quicky. I can't listen to Brannon Howse's radio show, Nipple Grease, for more than a minute. My god, he's a horrid public speaker. Anyway, I don't have to because every morning he sends me a description of his show. That is what I am talking about this morning.

Description: This is a special episode featuring a keynote presentation that was delivered by Brannon Howse at a Worldview Weekend Code Blue Rally in Atlanta, Georgia on March 22, 2009 before 1,400 conference attendees.
You know, "special."

It originally seemed to me that seeing as how Howse organizes these Worldview Conspiracy Orgies, the notion that he gave the "keynote address" was kind of misleading. I have always thought of a keynote address as something delivered by an invited guest, not a self-inviting one. But it turns out I was wrong. The keynote address, the lowest note on the scale of any key and gives its name to the tonic, is in American English (according to the OED), is an opening speech that sets the tone or theme for a meeting or conference or political rally, so I was wrong. I guess that just the good ones are from invited speakers.
How has America found herself on the verge of a spiritual, moral and financial collapse?
Are you going to link these, because you are starting to sound very prosperity gospel.
What are the national consequences we are now facing for rejecting God? Who was John Dewey, John Maynard Keynes, Saul Alinsky, Alfred Kinsey, and the Frankfurt School and how has their worldview shaped America at every level?
Kinsey? Are you shitting me? How...but...???
The American church reflects the culture and only 1% of young adults have a Christian worldview.
By which you mean, "doorknob-licking crazy bonkers batshit wackaloon Christian-substitute like Brannon." That's 1 percent too many.
The culture now accepts and mandates political correctness which is really Cultural Marxism.
Hey, you conspiracist fuck, you still don't think that you are a paranoid lunatic? Check out the Wikipedia entry on Cultural Marxism. My favorite bit is Richard Lichtman's quote toward the end where he describes Frankfurt School as:
"a convenient target that very few people really know anything about.... By grounding their critique in Marxism and using the Frankfurt School, [cultural conservatives] make it seem like it's quite foreign to anything American. It takes on a mysterious cast and translates as an incomprehensible, anti-American, foreign movement that is only interested in undermining the U.S."
I'll point you to Bill Berkowitz's "Reframing the Enemy: 'Cultural Marxism,' a conspiracy theory with an anti-Semitic twist, is being pushed by much of the American right."
American politicians embrace Fabian socialism and are destroying capitalism by design.
Hide de Aryan babeez! He come duh conspiracees!!!...Wubble! Bark bark bark! And I find it offensive that you would drag Fabio into this. But, then again, Nipple Grease.

This one is for the ladeez. And the gay guyz.
What is the Constitutional and Biblical worldview for law, family, and economics compared to the Humanist worldview?
Humanism: People are responsible for everyone else's happiness and treating each other in a respectful manner. Affronts against men are dealt with by men guided by reason.

The Bible: If you sit on a bus seat that has recently been occupied by a woman having her period, you get the cooties on you.
What are the fastest growing worldview trends?
I don't think that worldview means what you think it does, Brannon.
How should Christians think and respond to what is happening to us and our nation?
Well, clearly the reasoned response would be to invest in canned food and shotguns and head off into the woods and wait for the UN to just try and take your womenfolk.
What is the opposition doing that we are not?
Thinking, Brannon, you hysterical ninny.

HJ

Monday, March 23, 2009

Feebs Stand on Bodie Hodge's Head; or BH decapitates self with Occam's Razor

This one...it has a humdinger of a name: "Contradictions: Location, Location, Location; Why do names of places appear in both the pre-Flood and post-Flood world? Does this refute a global Flood that should have destroyed such places?"

Let's take off our pants and read, shall we?

When we read in Genesis 6–9, it is obvious that there was a global Flood. So, the alleged contradiction is that some pre-Flood place names reappear after the Flood.
Bodie then gives a list. Fine. I'll take your word for it, Bodie.
The answer to this conundrum is quite simple, but let’s use some illustrations so that we can better understand this.
  1. Names of places often transfer. For example, Versailles, Illinois, was named for Versailles, Kentucky, when settlers moved from Kentucky into Illinois. And before that Versailles, Kentucky, was named for Versailles, France. If someone said to meet me in Versailles, you may have to ask “which one?”
  2. Names of places often come from names of people as well. The land of Canaan was named form Noah’s grandson Canaan. St. Louis, Missouri, was named for King Louis IX of France.
  3. Names of people sometimes came from places. Consider the name London that many people today have and its origin as a city in England.
You know, I'm willing to bet that the people who asked Jesus a simple question, say, "Should I sink my money into my 401K?" and then got in reply "Consider the lilies of the field..." also thought, "Oh sweet fucking Jesus get to the point."

Also, are you suggesting that there was a Mike Euphrates somewhere in the Bible?
With this in mind, it should be fairly easy to see how names could easily have been transferred through the Flood. Ham’s grandson was likely named after the land of Havilah. Cush was Ham’s son, and Asshur was Shem’s son. Noah, Ham, and Shem lived before the Flood and would have been aware of these regions. And, of course, these names have gone on to become names of regions where some of these people settled after the dispersal of the Tower of Babel. Cush is modern-day Ethiopia; Asshur was where Assyria developed into a great nation and so on.

[...]

There is no contradiction, but merely a situation of renaming new places, rivers, and people with previously used names.
I have something even simpler, dipshit. They are the same places. No flood. No modern fairy tales piled upon ancient fairy tales. No reason to hear Bodie Hodge. Ever.

Aaah! That's a nice thought!

HJ

Ken Ham: Standing on the Shoulders of Feebs

I will agree with Ken Ham on one thing, and that is that Darwin unleashed a great evil upon the world. The only difference is that I happen to think that the evil turned out to be backwards creationists. There were creationists before Darwin, of course, but after his hypotheses had been tested and found to be sound, creationists had to either 1) accept observation and measurement as a foundation for knowledge, without which there is no scientific method, or 2) cram their heads even higher up their asses. Ken chose the latter.

It never, ever gets old, Ken.

Anyway, it's called, "Darwin’s Sad Legacy: For many secularists, Darwin’s ideas were ammunition," and it is truly the fruit of Ken's Fruit of the Looms.

Most people, when asked what they consider to be Charles Darwin’s legacy, would quickly say...
Disco!
“...evolution.”
Fuck!
Indeed, evolution and Darwin are virtually synonymous, especially this year, as evolutionists worldwide are celebrating his 200th birthday. But what is not so commonly known is that there have been adverse parts of Darwin’s legacy that many of his followers have either denied or kept from public knowledge.
You are starting to sound like a conspiracy theorist, you gob of mucus. Well, a bigger one than you already are.
Ideas, it is said, have consequences.
Who said that, I wonder? Oh, Richard Weaver, who, to be WikiPedantic, "posits that the axioms underlying all human belief systems are ultimately arbitrary (in the sense that they cannot be derived, or anchored in something anterior) and are thus a product of the exercise of ultimate choice rather than empirical evidence." Wow, that sounds just like you, Ken! Arbitrary and ungrounded!
What people believe about their origins and the purpose and meaning of life affects their entire worldview. It molds how they view themselves . . . and others.

Darwin’s ideas concerning “molecules-to-man” evolution have left a significant negative legacy on society. For many secularists, his ideas were ammunition to eliminate any consideration of the supernatural. For example, in Darwin’s house (now a museum) in England, there is an exhibit which comments on our Creator:

“. . . [E]very living creature looked the way it did because God had designed it that way. Darwin’s theory made nonsense of all of this.”
What does it really say, Ken? I mean, the whole quote? It's hard to say, but this fits the suggestive omission (they treat the Bible with this much respect too):
Many Christians believed that the world and everything in it, including mankind, had been created by God in the beginning - and had remained unaltered ever since.

Even those who accepted the very great age of the earth believed that every living creature looked the way it did because God had designed it that way.

Darwin's theory made nonsense of all this. He said that the world was a constantly changing place and that all living creatures were changing too.
Wow, don't you believe that everything is changing, Ken, you ass? Isn't your completely bonkers fucked up worldview so thoroughly busted that you pretty much have to accept that species evolved--that what you think was in the ark is not the population of today? Sounds like you altered the text to me, dipshit. I would fail you for being dishonesty incarnate in one of my classes.
The exhibit declares there is no God connected to why and how life exists. This idea dominates America’s science classrooms. God has been outlawed there. “Science” is now defined as “naturalism” (really atheism)—it’s the only explanation for the origin of life currently allowed. Any hint of the supernatural is not permitted.
Of course, you are misrepresenting the scientific enterprise, you bent barf. Scientists would flock to Yahweh as matter of course if the evidence led them there. Even PZ! He'd HAVE to or he would be a colossal hypocrite! You, however, hold yourself to no real standards of integrity. You lie to yourself about the world so that you can go on believing what you know deep down can't be true. I'd feel sorry for you if I didn't so thoroughly despise you for doing what you do to kids.
If we continue to have generations of students going through a public education system that teaches them they are just animals and the result of natural processes (a Scientific American article stated, “We are all animals, descendants of a vast lineage of replicators sprung from primordial pond scum”), we will continue to see a growing moral collapse in society.

You know what, you just because with every article you add another degree of weirdness to your body of peculiar beliefs does not mean that we are in moral decline. It means that you are escalating bonkers. You cannot tell the difference.

The horrible school shooting in Finland in 2007 is a prime example. The killer stated: “I am prepared to fight and die for my cause, . . . I, as a natural selector, will eliminate all who I see unfit, disgraces of human race and failures of natural selection. . . . I am just an animal, a human, an individual, a dissident . . . . It’s time to put NATURAL SELECTION & SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST back on tracks!

This student was only carrying out in practice what he had been taught concerning origins, as well as the lack of purpose and meaning he found in life. Herein lies Darwin’s terrible legacy, which has affected all modern cultures.

Do you really want to go down this track, asshole. I can play this fucking game. Espousing the inerrant Word of Jesus, on July 27th of last year, some dipshit barged into a church and shot up the place:

Knoxville Police Department Chief Sterling Owen IV said at a press conference Monday morning that a four-page letter written by Adkisson had been found in his car. The letter described his “hatred of the liberal movement,” Owen said. “Liberals in general, as well as gays.”

Yep, this guy sure understood Christianity. He was of course only acting on what he had learned at church, y'see, that liberal ideas had awful consequences. So try not to have ideas. Ken, you are living that one to the letter, motherfucker!

The raging Finn just liked the sound of the words, of course. He thought they made him sound badass. Seeing as how his chances of contributing to the gene pool dropped to zero when he was caught or killed, he seems to have selected himself out. Whoops! Heehee. That's what happens when you try to intelligently design a population. Irony tastes great on dipshit!

An increase in abortion has gone hand in hand with the growing acceptance of evolution. Over the years, some women have told us that people at abortion clinics told them that when they get rid of their “unwanted” baby, it’s okay because it’s just an animal. Some have been told that the baby as it develops in the womb retraces its evolutionary ancestry (e.g., saying that at a certain stage, they would just be getting rid of a “fetus” in its “reptile” stage).

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Recapitulation was debunked decades before natural selection was on the scene! Haha! You're a fucking disgrace. Please, please put your head in an oven, Ken! I will make a donation to AiG if you do!

HJ

Take your picture with a reclusive author!!

It's that time of day again--morning. I am getting geared up to teach later on. It's a particularly difficult novel this time, and I'm not sure what I am going to do with it. We'll see. The novel is put together like a puzzle, a complicated, uninteresting puzzle. I think that I will be doing them enough of a favor to disentangle a number of the themes. I'm not sure what to do with it once I have ripped it apart, however.



HJ

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Answers in Genesis needs prayers

I've never clicked on the little icon of the earnestly constipated woman begging for relief before, you know, the one on the AiG site that says: "Prayers."

Seriously...check out what's on their list to Santa this week. The prayers are sorted, wow, by department:

Project: Design Department Projects Purpose: Meeting deadlines on all projects.

HAHAHA! I mean, Christ, people make deadlines all the time without the Lord's help. You are totally setting yourself up to confirm your faith, you goofballs! Nice Almighty God. What is he your fucking administrative assistant? Like he doesn't have more important things to do, like protect people from his earthquakes and shit. ("So, I'm telling my son, Jesus, that the beauty of this God racket is that I actually create the demand for my own product! Fucking beautiful.")

I like the idea that Ken stands over design projects with a whip in his hand and says, "You better fucking pray that you make all your deadlines."

Under the category of bookstore comes something really, really odious. Just fucking appalling.

Project: Guests

Purpose: Many of our guests have suffered financial losses in the current economy.

Specifics: Please pray for the Lord's blessings upon them. Many guests wish to purchase items to strengthen their faith. Pray that the Lord provides the resources for them to do so.

You fucking selfish scam artists. Please, God, let us fleece the poor and ignorant instead of helping them! You know what, the lovey-dovey god of the New Testament, and his hippy bastard son, would tell you to give everything away to the poor, not ask God for commercial success at the expense of the already suffering. You fucking sicken me completely, Ken Ham. You could not even be disinterested in your own personal gain. You measle. You fucking parasitic worm.

HJ

It's CrAzY CrEaTiOnIsT NeWs: March Madness edition

Of course, they are completely batshit all year round at Answers in Genesis, but there's something in the air...is it the faint whiff of despair that I detect and seems to hang around me wherever I go recently...that really pisses me off royally.

Every week, the ridiculous farce that is Answers in Genesis puts out a summary of news that they have failed to understand.

Question 1)

Is this because they are 1) insane, 2) ignorant, 3) unteachable, 4) loathsome or, 5) all of the above?

This is my attempt to put their goofy pronouncements in context. With poop jokes.
1. Christian Post: “Survey Offers In-Depth Look at Mainline Protestant Clergy”
  • Sadly, only 29 percent of mainline clergy agreed with the statement that ”the Bible is the inerrant Word of God, both in matters of faith and in historic, geographical, and other secular matters.” 67 percent disagreed, with 4 percent unsure (in opposition to 2 Timothy 3:16).
  • 44 percent agree that “evolution is the best explanation for the origins of life on earth,” with 43 percent disagreeing and the remaining 13 percent unsure (in opposition to Genesis 1 and 2).
Answers in Genesis is sad that America's mainline Protestant clergy is not decidedly more ignorant than it already is. So, AiG laments education...surprise surprise. At least 70 percent of Protestants have has some sort of legitimate academic training.

I don't have a problem with pig ignorant people believing pig ignorant things, you know, like Ken Ham does. It's just when they presume to have special knowledge about the workings of the universe while clearly being so deficient. That's all.
It is not the role of Answers in Genesis to take denominational stances. However, our vision and mission are centered on proclaiming the truth of the Bible as the foundation for our faith. We continue to emphasize how the rejection of God’s Word and the acceptance of millions of years of evolution undermines the very foundation of Christianity. We believe that is an important element (though far from the only one) in the steady decline of mainline Protestant churches in the United States, as many congregants are continually taught that the foundation of their faith is fictitious and that one can choose truth apart from—in fact in opposition to—the Scripture.
OK, truly babyish, I mean really fucking infantile and pathetic, belief that God is talking to you directly through the Bible as if it were an eyewitness account aside...no...that's it. You're goddamned infants.
2. CBC News: “Science Minister’s Coyness on Evolution Worries Researchers”
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times for Canadian creationists.
What the Dickens was that allusion? Take it back.
It all started Tuesday, when a reporter asked Gary Goodyear, Canada’s Minister of State for Science and Technology, whether he believed in evolution. Goodyear’s reply? “I’m not going to answer that question. I am a Christian, and I don’t think anybody asking a question about my religion is appropriate.”
"You know Gary, right?" "Goodyear?" "The worst."

Gary, nobody asked about your religion. They are just asking whether or not you have the most basic chops, the respect for evidence over personal preference (though why you would prefer that evil Frankendeity over humanist ideals), to hold a position of influence over a sort-of-major-country's science program. (Or as they foppishly put it up there, "programme.")

Ooh! This was my favorite!
5. ScienceNOW: “Science Cannot Fully Describe Reality, Says Templeton Prize Winner

Science isn’t everything: a summary of the conclusions of the latest Templeton Prize winner.
Well, no shit! He won the Templeton Prize! This is not a scientific award. This is a gigantic cash reward for any scientist who is willing to thoroughly trash his or her ownreputation! It has all of the scientific oomph! of someone dropping coins in a collection basket at church--it's a transfer of funds between believers. Nice!

Now, I say, prove it, you French asshole.
6. Fox News: “Bill Would Allow Texas School to Grant Master’s Degree in Science for Creationism”

Texas state representative Leo Berman wants to help the Institute for Creation Research—now located in Dallas—award master’s degrees.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You suck, Texas! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

HJ

How is grading like a big dump?

I can't believe how much shit passes.

Anyway, I finished grading midterms. These have been dogging me for weeks. I was a little sideswiped by the position up at Big Deal University and so could not work in time to grade or read for next week's class, but I think that I have about caught up. I have assigned letter grades to the papers, but have not yet given out number grades. There are a couple of rewrites, and I will work with them on those papers. There was a solid core of good papers, and the best ones, without a doubt came from the students who came to speak with me about their topics in my office hours. Go figure. You would think that students would catch on to this. I may make an announcement. I made it explicit for the first time this semester that one of the things that would earn someone an A would be to teach me, someone fairly knowledgeable and clever, something that I did not know or make someone well-versed in the area see the subject in a slightly new way. Often, just the effort, even if it does not work out in the paper (say, a student writes an especially whimsical comparison of The Sun Also Rises and the Protocols of the Elders of Zion), may raise issues that the knowledgeable reader has not considered and earn the student a good grade (think about the character Cohen and Jewish stereotypes). This seems to give them a sort of tangible goal that they know they are working toward, and they know that they usually have to do original research to do it. This is a good thing. I may add "come see me" as something that drastically improves the chances of earning a higher grade.

Boy, that was a ramble.

HJ

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Was Angela Lansbury EVER not in her '70s?

I'm not sure what planet they believe I think they should be from, but they ask me the weirdest questions. The one making the rounds: I know we are watching the original movie this week, but can I watch the recent remake instead?

My answer should be: FUCK NO ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME? HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PARTICIPATE IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT? TRY APPLYING SOME OXYGEN TO THAT BRAIN OF YOURS--IT'LL CLEAR THAT STUPID RIGHT UP!

But I, of course, don't say this. RateMyProfessor keeps me from being honest. Haha.

I keep telling my students, "You know why they made a remake? Because the original one was really good! See the good one."

One movie that has been remade recently was the Denzellian Candidate, a remake of the masterful Cold War thriller, The Manchurian Candidate.

Yes, Angela Lansbury is supposed to be Lawrence Harvey's mother, but she can only be a few years older than him, at the most. Maybe it's just me and I have never known a mother's love, but she seemed to be kind of a bitch in this movie. I've seen the movie many times, but I just noticed something tonight as I watched it: there is an early scene where she is talking to her son and she is wearing a silk Chinese dressing gown with a big ol' dragon on it. Give away!

The other thing that I noticed but did not understand was the placing of the heads of presidents, expecially Lincoln, everywhere. And eagles. It struck me as a sort of an homage to Psycho, which came out about 2 years earlier. Or possibly they were just stealing camera angles and the crazily placed stuffed-animal motif.

An aside: I want my roommate's cat to come back soon, because my cat is sofa king needy. And loud about it. God only knows what she wants. I think she caught a bit of "the Siamese flu" from Jessie, because, holy crap, is she talking.

I apologize that I haven't been keeping up with my posting duties lately. I know that once a blogger establishes a tempo, hirs readership gets accustomed to it. I have one word for you: Grading. Also, a few more: Teaching a Pynchon novel. The former requires a lot of time, the latter requires extreme concentration and a vocabulary the size of the archives of Norman Mailer personal papers currently held at the Ransom Center.

There's a comparison that I bet you weren't expecting when you clicked on the link. One of Mailer's friends told me that the archive was originally in a rented warehouse until it was sold to the Ransom Center.

HJ

Friday, March 20, 2009

A life of blah

I'm looking down the barrel of a really awful year right now. My biggest concern is what I should be doing next year to keep from sleeping in a gutter. I'll lay it right out. My prospects for employment are bleak at this point, and I am starting to despair of it. I had really high hopes this year for a position, and I have gotten as many lit interviews as writing interviews, which I took to be a promising sign, actually, especially given the market for lit versus writing. But the job market, man, it tanked this year. Even if a third (I'm estimating here) of the jobs didn't evaporate after they were announced, it's still a tough market, and you can count on a hundred or more applications for each position.

Fuck.

Not in the mood right now.

Fuck.

HJ

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Ergonomic retardation

I am sitting in a library, as I often am on Thursday, Friday, or Saturday nights, but this particular library, which I know very well, has made some changes recently and did not consult me. Or my ass.

The problem is the new fleet of chairs that seems to have infested the computer lab. They are the seating equivalent of that circular fucking iMac mouse. It's hard to even explain what is so ergonomically wrong with the thing, it is so strange, but here goes.

When you use it like a chair, you feel like you are about to slide off forward. This is because the back of the seat is raised higher than the front. The back, however, depresses, and so like a little teeter totter, by scootching back you feel your seat trying to straighten out. Except it doesn't, so to force the back down, you have to press down on the ground with your legs, and mine are getting tired. At the same time, the back provides no support at all. I think it is supposed to move forward when the back of the seat goes down, but who the fuck knows?

Do I need this right now?

My family, of course, wants to know how my interview went at Big Deal University. I don't think I have a prayer. I have an interview with a school I have no desire to teach at because it is all remedial. 4/4 (four sections each semester) of remedial writing. I'd rather be shot in the face. Or hit with a flying soda as I walked home from getting coffee.

What I do know is that the program I am in now is getting smoked, absolutely left behind by the program at Big F'ing Deal University. I need to bring this up with my supervisor, because our grad students will not be prepared for what is happening out there. Really.

Anyway, I sigh. As with everything else, it is a learning experience. I learned to hate myself and life just a little more. But this gives me material to write about. If I were really, truly contented, this blog would suck. "Hi! Day 225 and everything's still awesome!" I'd totally want to kill that prick.

Oh, did you hear the Preznit made a crack about the Special Olympics? They still bowl better than you, anyway, sir.

HJ