Mike Adams, Health Ranger, on Sen. Alexander's man-hooker list

People get me steamed.

I recently started getting emails from a "natural health" dickhole named Mike Adams. He's pretty bad, and I have not seen him say anything right about vaccination...or anything, actually. The man is a walking dispensary of death.

But even completely useless dregs can be complete self-shaming cocks. Take for instance his smug "How to be a swine flu vaccine zealot."

(NaturalNews) Swine flu vaccine zealots are like zombies... they just keep coming at you, mindless... heartless... empty-headed and a tad funky on the smell, too. But I've noticed from observing the behavior of a few such zealots that not all of them fully comprehend precisely how to act like a mindless vaccine zealot. There's more to it than just parroting whatever the FDA says. You actually have to get with the zealot program if you want to be taken seriously as a swine flu vaccine zealot.

Haha! We smell bad! And you're a doodie! And you smell like doodie! Alright, whatcha got, douche-boy?

Step 1) Loudly proclaim you vaccines are backed by "science," but when critics ask you to produce that science, just tell them you don't have to because "everybody knows they work." (Then grunt and paw at the air from time to time for effect...)

Step 2) Practice scoffing. Scoffing is an important skill for swine flu vaccine zealots. When someone asks an intelligent question like, "Where are the placebo-controlled studies that show flu vaccines work at all?" simply scoff at them. This avoids having to answer the question because, as you know, there are no such studies.

Well, you can't count to one accurately, because these are the same objection. Nice.

When you do a search of the literature at PubMed under the following limitations:

Humans, Animals, Clinical Trial, Randomized Controlled Trial, Core clinical journals, MEDLINE, PubMed Central

You get 556 hits. So you can take your first two objections, sharpen them, and jam them up your ass, Mike.

Step 3) Practice making people feel guilty for not getting the flu shot. Blame them for pandemic. Just ignore the fact that the shot itself has zero ability to actually prevent the spread of influenza and focus on what works: Guilt!

And still, there is ample evidence that it does. 556 and counting, pig-boy. Sure, the sucker mutates like gangbusters, and it will always return to infect you again, but that's the nature of the beast. Luckily, you have no conscience, Mike, so we don't have to worry about you ever feeling guilty. Ever.

Step 4) Spread more fear! Guilt and fear go together like peanut butter and jelly on processed white bread -- a favorite zombie food! In combination, they work like gangbusters if you're trying to scare up some vaccine sales to generate billions of dollars in profits for the drug companies. In the absence of any actual science, just invoke fear! (Hey, it worked for the Patriot Act, too...)

There you have it. The weirdest, least connected, most surreal...string of words found next to each other in history of the English language. Seriously, do you have some sort of mental disorder? And you reused my word "gangbusters," pig-fucker. Get your own words. Again, 556 studies. Actual science. You have snark. I have science (and snark). I win. Of course the hypocracy of some man-tool who professionally scares people away from legitimate medical treatment to scold me for "spreading fear" could only be supported by a sociopath or someone with a systematic disregard for human life.

Step 5) Remind people that they are not doctors and therefore don't know anything. Then quote some doctor who's pro-vaccine (and probably taking kickbacks from some pharmaceutical company that's been caught committing a felony crime) and declare that no one can question them because they're a doctor. Doctors are God, didn't you know? Just ask all the victims of thalidomide... or Vioxx.

Dick. This is public knowledge. And it is up to you, you vacuous pustule on the inside of my ass-crack, to show...some sort of conspiracy. And everyone knows that people can sue doctors all the time! You fucking flipper-baby.

Step 6) Strip off the plastic coating on both ends of an extension cord, exposing the wires. Attach the two wires on one end to the temples of your skull, then attach the two exposed wires on the other end to the exposed slots of a live electrical outlet in your home. You are now "WIRED." (Want a free subscription?) This process will destroy any critical thinking regions of your cerebrum, disabling the annoying ability to think for yourself (which can interfere with what the vaccine industry wants you to think instead). Once achieved, you're half-way qualified to being a vaccine zealot, unhindered by critical thinking skills!

(Don't forget to grunt, moan and leave your mouth draping open from time to time, or the whole effect will be ruined...)

I take it back. Step 6 is the weirdest thing ever written.

Step 7) Defend mercury as safe. It's not that bad, really. What's a little mercury in your shot anyway? Ignore these inconvenient facts: A typical flu vaccine shot solution is 50,000 parts per billion of mercury. The EPA classifies any substance with more than 200 parts per billion as hazardous waste. (The EPA limit in drinking water is 2 parts per billion.) Thus, the mercury density in a vaccine is 25,000% higher than the level required to be considered hazardous waste. This is injected directly into the bloodstream of infants, children, expectant mothers and senior citizens. What could possibly be dangerous about that?

Except vaccines, even when they have preservatives like thimerisol, do not contain straight mercury. I point you to Skeptoid:

Proponents of the alleged link between vaccines and autism charge that vaccines contain mercury, which in large enough doses, kills cells and causes neurological damage. What some vaccines contain is actually not plain mercury, but the preservative thimerosal. Thimerosal's main active ingredient is an organic version of mercury called ethylmercury. Ethylmercury is naturally expelled from the body quickly. Methylmercury, on the other hand, is not. It stays in the body. High doses of methylmercury will cause physiological damage. However, ethylmercury and methylmercury are not the same thing, despite the similar names. Methylmercury is not present in thimerosal. In short, vaccines preserved with thimerosal do not even contain the type of mercury that activists say is dangerous. And even if they did, the amount would be too small to be considered a risk.

So what about your numbers? They aren't even relevant to the discussion, you feeb. You can scream, "Teh mercureez iz in mai vassine!!!1@#!" all you want. It only serves to highlight your ignorance. Hear that, pig? Now suck it.

I'm done with this bozo.

Fucking fool.

HJ