Never buy a wine because it has an amusing label...

I don't understand wines. I don't get why people get snooty about them. Bing's little brain doesn't work that way. And I'm serious, when it comes to buying wine, I am the ideal consumer who ad execs have naughty thoughts about. I make my choice not on silly things like "expertise" or "an educated opinion" or "knowledge of what a zinfandel is." Nope, when I buy wine, I really am looking at the label, and that's pretty much it.

What I'm saying is that the fact someone is wearing a toilet plunger on the label is no guarantee of quality.


My opinion of wine is not refined, but I know what I like, and I really liked pouring the unused portion of my glass down the drain. Now your fancy-ass drinkers of wine will tell you that you should match the wine to your meal, which in this case was spicy nachos. I'm not sure if the jalapeno brought out the flavor in the wine or the wine accented the jalapeno, but I can tell you that the overall combination was not unlike swallowing napalm. Yes. Nachos and Plungerhead are the epicurean equivalent of the Ia Drang Valley. (Somewhere someone laughed at that, and don't you wish you knew why?)

Oh, the other basis for buying wine is where it came from. I spent a year in Spain, so, naturally, Spanish wines are best. 3 of the last 4 bottles of wine I have bought have been Spanish wines. Spanish wines are unique because they are made of fermented olives, because that is the only thing that will grow in Spanish soil. You can look it up. And, of course, never get into a debate about whether or not a Castilian wine or a Catalonian wine is better. (Real Madrid, baby! wOOt! Suck it, Barca!)

I was not planning on having more than a full glass of wine tonight anyway, since tomorrow is Atlanta Skeptics in the Pub. I'm there, baby. I need to meet some people in this town. I mean, besides the homeless guy who is now living at my bus stop. Waiting for my bus home today, another guy, the one who told me that he "had to get to the liquor store" when I gave him some change, waved to me from across the street. I gave a noncommittal salute, and, thank Shatner's ten tiny toes, my bus pulled up and whisked me away while he tried to Frogger his way across the street to me.

HJ