Janet Porter: Wacky MILF

MILF, by the way, means Moron I'd Like to Fling into a volcano.

The right...God, I don't know...I wasn't very keen on American politics when Clinton was in office. Was it this bad back then? The claims have gotten more and more ridiculous in the last several weeks. Before long, people will start to say that they have seen actually seen Obama's Stormtroopers in the streets. Real ones, not Nazis. The ones from Star Wars. Oh wait, that's just me. DragonCon is here this week! (I saw a fully decked out Mystery Machine today. I wonder where that was going? Heehee!)

Anyway, Janet. She just jumped the shark. Really. I want to see Beck try to top this one!

It's called, "It's Time to Take Back America," and it's as funny as it is improbable, which is really saying a lot (as of 2002 the odds were 106,465,367,669:0 against, actually).

Our nation is under attack. It's an attack greater than I've ever seen in my lifetime...

In the last 70 years?

....and it's an attack from within. On Glenn Beck last week, Rush called it the "most dangerous time in my life for freedom and liberty in this country." He's right, and we all know it.

All right, so what do we do?

"Quick, everyone! To the Jesusmobile!"

Let me remind you, you made a pledge. You put your hand over your heart and you made a pledge – probably more than 100 times.

"I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

You were the one who made the pledge.

Yeah, but I was 8. I didn't know what allegiance was or what pledging entailed. I call that oath null and void. Having children take that oath is as sporting as tricking Alzheimer's patients to sign away their life savings! (Not that I'd want to give Janet any ideas.)

It's time we quit looking around for some politician or leader to come and rescue us. Stop looking for another country in which to flee – because you know what? WE are the ones who must rise up and take this nation back for the cause of liberty and justice for all.

"Except homos! And women! And non-Christians! And anyone to the left of me politically!"

While attending the Reclaiming Oklahoma for Christ meeting in August, I heard a speech from national hero Gen. Jerry Boykin. He was one of the original members of the U.S. Army's Delta Force – the commanding officer depicted in the movie "Black Hawk Down."

He was responsible for that?! This is where the story gets interesting, and I will quote at some length, well, because the story is just so remarkable:

He told the story of how he lay, shot and wounded, next to another soldier, a medic, who was dying. After asking the general to tell his wife that he loved her, his eyes rolled back in his head and his breathing stopped. The heart monitor went to a flat line. The man was dead.

Yet Gen. Boykin, bleeding himself, held the medic's arm and kept praying. "God, don't let him die. God, don't let him die." 


The nurse interrupted, "Let him go; he's gone."

That didn't stop the general who just kept praying.

No vitals. Just a nurse who kept saying, "He's dead. Let him go."

But the general kept praying, "God, don't let him die."

It was a ridiculous prayer. The machines don't lie. No breathing. No heartbeat. The nurse's intentions weren't malicious. She had seen plenty of people die and knew for certain what it looked like.

But Gen. Jerry Boykin didn't walk by sight. He walked by faith. And his God is known for things like raising the dead.

And so he just kept on praying. He knew the word of God and he knew what it said: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5). His own understanding was that this guy was dead. But the general trusted the Lord with all his heart anyway, and, as a result, that medic soldier is alive and still practicing medicine today.

HOLY SHIT! GEN. JERRY BOYKIN IS RAISING THE DEAD!!! FUCK JESUS! PRAISE JERRY BOYKIN!!

Could you bring back some of the other people who died in that little fiasco? Surely someone will confirm your miraculous powers, Jerry.

You know, maybe like David Martin on 60 Minutes? You can get the transcript on LexisNexis Academic:

MARTIN: (Voiceover) The next day, Boykin survived a mortar round which killed one of his men and left another bleeding to death. Boykin prayed over the dying soldier.

Lt. Gen. BOYKIN: (To congregation) There was no pulse. There was no pressure. But I prayed to almighty God to spare him. Today, he practices medicine in the Shenandoah Valley with four children.

(Footage of Boykin addressing congregation)

So, he's been giving this talk since September of 2004. But there is more. 60 Minutes interviewed the medic, who sees the reason for his recovery in a slightly different light.

MARTIN: (Voiceover) That dying soldier was Rob March, who served as Delta's battle surgeon.

Mr. ROB MARSH: You know, I required 17 units of blood. And it's normally there are 15 units in the body. If things hadn't happened the right way, I shouldn't be here right now. But I think the--the skill of my medics, the skill of the surgeon, the blood, you know, and God's will, I'm here.

You left out the bit about 17 units of blood, Jerry. I was unable to confirm the notion that Marsh had been without a pulse, though if Marsh had lost massive amounts of blood, I'm sure his pulse could have been faint.

I was actually surprised to see that Marsh did not mention how God raised him from the dead like stinky Lazarus in this interview with the L.A. Times in 2002:

For Marsh, the worst was yet to come. Two days later, he was standing on the tarmac with other officers when a mortar hit. The man next to him was killed. Twelve soldiers were wounded, including Marsh. Here is what he remembers before losing consciousness: "A flash. Noise. I remember feeling pain."

Shrapnel shredded his abdomen. A shard pierced an artery in his leg. Yet even as he lay bleeding, he ordered soldiers to carry the injured to his side so he could perform triage. "They were my people. I wanted to know who was hit."

(Way to go, Doc! Your sense of duty is impressive, and those folks owe you a lot!)

The Washington Post failed to mention the first adequately documented raising of the dead and zombie war veteran...

The son of former Army Secretary John O. Marsh Jr. was seriously wounded during an attack in Somalia last week but is expected to survive.

Army Maj. John O. "Rob" Marsh III, a Special Forces medical officer, was hit by mortar or grenade shrapnel in an attack Wednesday in Mogadishu launched by guerrillas loyal to Somali warlord Mohamed Farrah Aidid, an Army spokesman said yesterday.

What about the interview that the Washington Post landed with Marsh in 2003 for a profile on Boykin?

He spoke solemnly of the wounded Delta surgeon, Rob Marsh, lying next to him on a stretcher in a tent, the night the mortar hit. Bleeding profusely from an abdominal wound, Marsh was dying -- "He had no pulse, he had no blood pressure," Boykin recounted -- but Boykin reached out for him, held his hand and wouldn't let go, and prayed, "Spare him, God."

Marsh survived, and now practices medicine in Virginia. He declined to comment for this article.

Oops. My bad. Not a ringing endorsement there, eh, Jerry? Back to Janet:

But the news reports say it's already gone.[...]

While we sit back and raise our fists at the television news, we are losing our freedoms, our free market and perhaps our very lives. And this time, because we have handed the keys of power in all three branches of government to those who are working to destroy our great nation, there is no one left in power to fight for us. We are the ones who must stand to fight.

But to fight, we need weapons.

SWEET TAPDANCING RABBIS! OF ULM!

And there's an unpopular weapon that, at least so far, has not been banned or restricted. It's under the radar of even the NRA.

Run! The religious right has developed the H-Bomb!

It's called fasting.

Oh, thank fuck! I thought for a second that you meant business. Please, go right ahead and fast. When your friends in the woods of Montana decide that it is time to attack with actual weapons, you all will be weak and wobbly. That bodes well for our side!

That's it for now. Bing has to prepare to teach. Boy, the hours just zip by!

HJ