Catching Heck, or, how not to plagiarize

Seriously, do they think that I was born fucking yesterday? Peter Heck, who is of no real significance, as evidenced by the fact that his article, "No Atheists in Birthing Centers," appeared on onenewsnow.com, has written a titanically foolish, self-stroking failure of an argument.

His thesis: Babies are so complex that they have to be designed.
His evidence: "Look at my kid. Duh."

Before I allow you to ruin your own reputation, I am going to say to you, Peter, "Congratulations." I hope your daughter turns out better than you have.

It has often been said that there are no atheists in foxholes. Having never been in combat, I can't speak to that. But having just been present for the birth of my first child, I feel quite comfortable saying without equivocation there are no atheists in birthing centers...at least not ones with a lick of sense.

This reminds me of the Onion headline:

Astronomer Discovers Center Of Universe
'It is my beautiful 9-year-old son,' he says.

Alright, Mr. Great Sperm, let's do this. What new evidence are you bringing to the table?

To call the birth of a human baby a miracle is the understatement of the millennia.

This, for some reason, reminds me of another Onion headline:

Miracle Of Birth Occurs For 83 Billionth Time

Seriously. Also, I believe you are looking for the word millennium. Let this be a warning against homeschooling your new kid. (Of course, he probably means "all six millennia," which is even worse.)

It is either the height of arrogance or ignorance (perhaps both) to believe that such an event could have ever happened spontaneously and without intentional design.

Unintentional? Tell the Palin girl that. Logical fallacy: argument from incredulity. I don't believe it, therefore, it didn't happen. Next.

Please understand that I mean no deliberate disrespect to those who have made the decision to live in rebellion to that which is patently obvious.

Here I would have taken off points for calling me arrogant and ignorant in the same breath as saying that you did not want to disrespect me. I am not a duplicitous coward and say with all conviction that, so far, I have no respect for you whatsoever or for the quality of your mind.

I truly believe that many professing atheists are some of the most educated people on the planet. But an old boss I used to work for ingrained a phrase in my head that finds perfect application with these very nonbelievers: "Educated don't mean smart."

Yep. Sounds like something an idiot would say. Seriously? That's your argument? Well, if that's how you are going to play, "Religious don't mean smart none neither."

I remember visiting my dad on various Air Force bases when I was younger and he was in the active duty. We would walk around and be amazed at the massive size and incredible intricacies of the jets assembled on the tarmac. And I remember thinking to myself while I gazed at those technological masterpieces, "I'd love to meet the person who built this thing...they must be the smartest person in the world."

"Maybe I could eat him and gain his knowledge!"

Listen, I'm going to skip ahead, past the name-calling (yes, Dawkins is arrogant, but being arrogant does not make you wrong), straw men (the airliner out of a whirlwind argument), and just a lie about Sagan. I mean, I'm re-reading The Demon Haunted World now. You are full of shit, Peter. (Can I call you Dick?)

When our little girl was born, I watched her tiny eyes dart back and forth, squinting from the bright lights. I asked one of the nurses whether she was seeing okay or not. Instead of a simple yes or no, I got a full explanation of the workings of the inner eye...and I was dumbfounded. From that first moment her eyes opened, her cornea was taking the widely diverging rays of light and bending them through the pupil. There, the lens focused light to the back of the eye chamber where the retina layer takes over. The retina is a membrane containing photoreceptor nerve cells that lines the inside back wall of the eye. It changes the rays into electrical impulses and sends them through the optic nerve to the brain where an image is perceived.

I teach writing, so please, Dick, when you see this, know that someone who teaches writing for a living is telling you that you are plagiarizing.

I believe it was the phrase "membrane containing photoreceptor nerve cells" that set off the Unincorporated Knowledge Klaxon. So, I did what any teacher who had a lazy, naughty student would do, I searched on Google and found that you are lucky that you had no problems in the delivery room because the nurse was reading a page from pasadenaeye.com. And you even slightly changed the wording. That's even more evil. I'd totally have kicked a student out of my class for that.

After hearing that, Paul's words in Romans took on all new meaning for me as I thought of the intellectual elitists who for the sake of pride deny the existence of our Creator: "Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools." Anyone who denies the obvious conclusion that comes from such magnificent and unimaginable design, no matter how educated, is a fool.

We're elite because we do not have to cheat. And how dare you criticize us when you dress up your arguments in the research of actual scientists? I mean, where is the bit about the cochlea in the Bible, asshat? You are a parrot, a poseur and a thief.

Hell, did you even have a daughter? Why did you lie about the circumstances of her birth? Nice fucking legacy. To paraphrase the person at your website, enjoy your precious little atheist.

HJ