Was Michael Jackson Raptured?

I know it sounds crazy, but only because it would be. But consider it. What if Michael Jackson was raptured? I'll let you ponder the theological implications of that.

Unfortunately, I did not come across that claim this week. But one of the interesting things about being obsessed with (possessed by?) a particular ideology is how the world takes on a rather goofily whimsical nature. Take for instance Rapture Ready's booster Terry James' "The King is Dead--Again," which appeared at Bible Prophecy Today a few days after Jacko went to the big loony bin in the sky. When MJ kicked it, James reports (quoting a newspaper article), the Internet crashed:

The shocking news of the King of Pop's sudden death yesterday sparked so much Web traffic that Google's news-link Web site had to put a temporary block on "Michael Jackson" search requests. Google's computers incorrectly interpreted the flood of requests as a "denial of service" attack meant to crash the news site. The flood of chatter and tributes did bring down sites across the World Wide Web.

And the first thing that occurs to him is not...Wow Michael Jackson is dead. Rather, it is this:

My phone conversation with Chris the Friday following Jackson’s death and the subsequent Google crash centered around what will happen when millions upon millions suddenly vanish from earth. Specifically, we thought about Todd’s - I believe - Holy Spirit-engendered thinking and planning for the immediate reaction following the Rapture.

Blink. Blink.

When the Rapture of the church (all believers in Christ for salvation) happens, as Todd constantly reminds, the people of the planet will think of one word after the panic subsides a bit and people start searching in earnest for answers: “RAPTURE!”

Blinkity blink. Yaddayaddayaddayadda.

Although I am the least person of technical savvy, especially when it comes to computers and the Internet, I understand enough to know that Todd plans to continue working toward mirror sites, and in other ways, to delay as long as possible the meltdown of the tremendous information about the Rapture and God’s salvation message when the Rapture takes place. More than that, however, is the conviction that the Lord himself will perform whatever miracles necessary to keep Rapture Ready and other websites containing His message of truth open for all who search the Net. I take the Lord at his Word when He said,

“ Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away” (Matthew 24:35).

Boy, won't they be surprised when they find out that God only knows how to use a Mac! I often feel the same way about my computer. In fact, I think that my Windows Automatic Updater is about the closest analogue to possession that we have yet devised. What I'm saying is that Bill Gates is the devil. (Of course, in Gates' Bible, John's gospel opens with, "In the beginning was Word for Windows.")

Oh, have you seen the Rapture Index? It's what the website owners unironically describe as:

The prophetic speedometer of end-time activity

Now, they have a little key to interpreting the Index, which now stands at 166:

Rapture Index of 100 and Below:  Slow prophetic activity
Rapture Index of 100 to 130:     Moderate prophetic activity
Rapture Index of 130 to 160:    Heavy prophetic activity
Rapture Index above 160:        Fasten your seat belts 

The problem is that this scale is completely useless. Your velocity is completely irrelevant unless you have an endpoint, a goal. And the distance to the goal is never defined. This has all the markings of a goofy pseudosocialscience. The thing is, we could hit 1000...and so what? Every moment that RR's folks aren't raptured, they can always push back the clock another second. They're like dogs chasing our own backsides; our goal is constantly getting away from us, and the faster we go, the faster it retreats! OK, once I saw my parents' dog catch his own tail, and, boy, he was sorry. Stupid dog.

In the spirit of humanistic charity, however, in improbable event that James is raptured, I volunteer to look after his cats.

HJ