In which Bing makes very clever purchases...

I have a confession. Yesterday, I went out and bought more shit I did not need. I am a complete rapscallion.

These were good purchases, however. First was a Spinal Tap CD. C'mon. It's freaking Spinal Tap. (My favorite lyric: "There wasn't a dry seat in the house.") I bought it mostly for "Stonehenge." When I got to the checkout, finally, they asked me if I wanted to send coffee to the troops. Of course the fuck not. They already have coffee I paid for. Furthermore, I don't want to send them a bag of coffee that they have to grind because the Taliban might hear it. Tactical espresso remains unproven in the field.

Speaking of which, while I was browsing, I came across the Complete Idiot's Guide to Your Military and Veterans' Benefits:
I strongly condemn the Complete Idiot's company for daring to suggest that the men and women who are fighting for our freedoms are incapable of heroically negotiating government bureaucracy. Don't you fucking forget that they dying for your right to say that, and then you have the nerve to say that. How dare you?! You communists.

And that brings me to my second purchase, a total gem. It was in the $5 bargain box at the front as I was leaving (and presumably as I was arriving, though I can't verify that). It is a collection of government shorts called Cold War Hysteria. It is most completely excellent, not because it has 50 military vignettes and poorly acted shorts, but because it is a slice of life...no, because there are 50 of them. I love it! I have learned more about fallout this morning than I have in the last 33 years! Yay! I don't know if Duck and Cover is on there off the top of my head. I hope so, because I use that to illuminate the concept of matching your message to your audience. Basically, it is "the apocalypse for children." Be careful if you get nuked, they say. Flying glass might cut you. Go through the vaporous cloud that was you a millisecond ago, more like. Wow.

So, I'm pretty happy right now. I have several hours of Cold War fun to get to. Jealous much? Muahahahah!

HJ