Oprah, Queen Idiot of Yougogirl

Oprah, your popularity does not make sense on this or on any other planet. You beknight feebs and scam artists. That you are a vacuous idiot is, sadly, your best defense. That you are a dishonest, self-absorbed monster is more likely.

This week Newsweek ripped Oprah a new asshole, one that that does not stream silk and jewels, as is the popular mythology among a certain demographic (the "idiot" demographic, also known as "Oprah's Book Club"). In response to this merciless expose, a refreshing bit of skepticism in the media, Oprah issued a statement:

"For 23 years, my show has presented thousands of topics that reflect the human experience, including doctors' medical advice and personal health stories that have prompted conversations between our audience members and their health care providers. I trust the viewers, and I know that they are smart and discerning enough to seek out medical opinions to determine what may be best for them."

So, you are pandering to your audience, not at all discussing the science and are essentially asserting that it is important to "teach the controversy" where there is none. You should be fossilized and placed in the Creation Museum as an example of the "Idiot kind." (Those specimens, by the way, can be found in the staff room.)

First of all, I can safely say that the intelligence of your hardcore fanbase should not be overestimated. I say this confidently because they are watching you. If you were contributing to anything like a useful conversation about health, you would not give grotesquely disproportionate attention to inexpert delusionals like Jenny McCarthy, who is working hard to destroy the foundation of public health's fortress against infectious disease. You, my not-an-idiot reader, have of course heard by now that Oprah is giving a show to Jenny McCarthy, the least useful, most gullible, bouncy-bounciest sack of idjit nuts in the whole general store. For this alone, Oprah, you deserve to be water-boarded. Nonetheless, the fact that you have undue influence over the weak-minded, the lonely, and the desperate does not relieve you of the responsibilities inherent to your undeserved authority. In this you are failing badly and deserve mockery.

Please, please, please, take Suzanne Sommer's advice, Oprah. Take lots and lots of it.

HJ (With mad props to Skeptico, who I command everyone to go read)