Mars: A Testament to Goofiness

Well, the zaniest paper possible has made it into the Answers "Research" "Journal," the parody science rag put out by Answers in Genesis. Some bozo published "Mars: A Testament to Catastrophe."

This week's galling tit, Charles Creager, Jr., author of this hilarious botch, is clearly deficient.

Guess who also had a flood only a couple of thousand years ago? Yep. Mars. Fucking Mars. Here's the abstract:

Abstract

Opposite Hellas, the largest impact basin on Mars, are the Tharsis volcanoes, the largest volcanoes in the solar system. Directly opposite the center of Hellas impact basin is the volcano called Alba Patera. Alba Patera is the largest Martian volcano by surface area. Coming off of the Tharsis plateau is Valles Marineris, the largest known valley in the solar system.

The unlikely geographic relationship between these gigantic features suggests a cause and effect relationship between them. This implies a global Martian catastrophe comparable in scale to the Genesis Flood.

The twin rovers, Opportunity and Spirit, have provided evidence in support of a Martian geological catastrophe. Data sent from Opportunity (and from orbit) show that it landed in an area that was catastrophically flooded from the south forming a large splat zone in the north.

Current data provide an excellent starting point for a young Mars catastrophic geologic model allowing the formation of a core young Mars model.

If the claim that the earth was pulled out of a deity's heinder 6000 years ago seemed, well, far too fruity to even consider in light of vast quantities of planetary and astronomical data, what does Answers in Genesis have to gain from upping the ante to ridiculous proportions by claiming a young Mars? I think that there are a couple of potential answers. They will wander out to meet me as I amble through this truly bizarre article.

Mars captures the imagination more than any other planet. No other known planet has as earthlike an environment as Mars, but yet they are still very different. Mars is enough like Earth that evolutionists have expected to find life there, but none has yet been found.

We expect nothing. Straw man. We'd be jazzed, of course. And we really were blissfully happy with just finding water. But I think that you can sort of see where this is going. Chucky's faith, well, it seems it's not all that secure. I mean, he seems to recognize that an inhabited Mars would be inexplicable to his weird worldview.


And I suspect that this is an attempt to hedge creationist bets. It is possible (albeit highly unlikely) that there is some sort of evidence of life on Mars.

Fuck, next he's going to claim, based on telescopic data, a "flat Mars."

Mars: clearly a splotchy flat disk.

Probes sent to Mars have sent back gigabytes of data which have been made readily available on the Internet. This wealth of data not only provides a unique opportunity to watch uniformitarian geologists build a model of planetary history from scratch, but it also provides creationists with an opportunity to do the same.

You mean it allows creationists a unique opportunity to watch uniformitarian geologists build a planetary history from scratch? Fuck, your grammar sucks. I thought this was peer-reviewed. (It was, but by rabbits.)

In this case the raw data are readily available to anyone with a computer, so that research can be done even with the smallest of budgets. The result is as nearly level a playing field as is likely ever to exist between competing ideas.

You don't even need to finish high school to analyze the data! You just need a bible! By the way, I look forward to see how much of those "gigabytes of data" you use in compiling your natural history of Mars.

Using this wealth of data has revealed a relationship between three different major Martian geological features, all of which are among the largest of their type in the solar system. These geological features include the Hellas impact basin, the Tharsis volcanoes, and Valles Marineris. The relationship between these gigantic features is unlikely to be a result of chance, suggesting a cause and effect relationship between them. This implies a global Martian geological catastrophe comparable in scale to the Genesis Flood.

I'm going to get my fish gutting knife. I'll be right back.

The idea of this Martian catastrophe is supported by additional evidence from the twin rovers Opportunity and Spirit. Opportunity seems to have landed in an area that was catastrophically flooded despite uniformitarian claims of it having been a long-standing sea.

Now the first thing that you have to do when cleaning a fish is to kill it. The most humane way is either a whack to the head with, say, a club or or a clean decapitation using your sharpened knife. The head is going to go anyway, so you might as well decapitate it. The fish's body will curl up toward the blade, but this is normal. If it is done quickly enough, the fish will slacken without a struggle and it will be over very quickly.

Even on Mars, uniformitarian geologists are so locked into the idea of geological ages associated with a geological column, that when they see different layers of rock they think geological ages. Researchers at JPL (Jet Propulsion Laboratory) are already claiming that the rock layers, found by the rover Opportunity, are billions of years old before even one radioisotope has been measured (Chang 2005).

So, let's start by decapitating this fucker. The source that he sites does not say boo about whether or not radioisotopes have been measured, so one simply can't lean on this article to make the point you are. But the age of Martian rocks has already been assessed. Little chunks of Mars apparently hit us from time to time, ejecta from an ancient collision. We have these precious and extremely rare little fuckers in our possession and can measure their age. For instance take the rock ALH84001:

The igneous rock in the 4.2-pound, potato-sized meteorite has been age-dated to about 4.5 billion years, the period when the planet Mars formed. The rock is believed to have originated underneath the Martian surface and to have been extensively fractured by impacts as meteorites bombarded the planets in the early inner solar system. Between 3.6 billion and 4 billion years ago, a time when it is generally thought that the planet was warmer and wetter, water is believed to have penetrated fractures in the subsurface rock, possibly forming an underground water system.

Or here:

The age of secondary carbonate mineralization in the martian meteorite ALH84001 was determined to be 3.90 ± 0.04 billion years by rubidium-strontium (Rb-Sr) dating and 4.04 ± 0.10 billion years by lead-lead (Pb-Pb) dating. The Rb-Sr and Pb-Pb isochrons are defined by leachates of a mixture of high-graded carbonate (visually estimated as ~5 percent), whitlockite (trace), and orthopyroxene (~95 percent). The carbonate formation age is contemporaneous with a period in martian history when the surface is thought to have had flowing water, but also was undergoing heavy bombardment by meteorites. Therefore, this age does not distinguish between aqueous and impact origins for the carbonates.

So, you haven't done your FUCKING homework, you evidence-ignoring retard. Good job with the peer-reviewing too! You guys wipe big donkey ass all around!

It has been stated that these layers represent different epochs of Martian history despite evidence that they are only a local occurrence. They do this based on their preconceptions resulting from how they think the solar system formed. It is evident that by the time these rocks are actually radiometrically dated, uniformitarian geologists will already “know” how old they are so that they will know which results to disregard as contamination and which to make public.

So, your evidence that all scientists involved with dating Martian samples are faking their evidence is your lack of proof that they are? What a lunatic conspiracy theorist of epic proportions! Again, the people who are reviewing and presumably signing off on this tripe should be ashamed. God I wish the Answers Research Journal were based in Japan. Then the editorial staff would have to commit seppuku for publishing something so stupid.

The next step in cleaning a fish is to make an incision along its soft belly, from throat to anus. Stick your fingers inside and scoop out the innards. You can use these as fertilizer or as a fashionable hat.

Mars presents creationists with an opportunity to build a model of planetary geological history from scratch. Furthermore, because the raw data of JPL’s Martian probes are freely available on the Internet, Mars can be studied on even the smallest of budgets.

By small budgets, I assume that you mean of "intellectual capital." You are little parasitic scientist impersonators, you know that?

Uniformitarian theories of Martian geological history will likely be used against creationists in the future, but because of the availability of the data creationists have the opportunity to be prepared in advance.

No, the theories are not to be used against you, my popped little puffer fish. Don't take science personally (however, please feel free to take this criticism personally). You do not even factor into the equation. Nor do your feelings, nor do actual scientists' feelings.

Next, open the fish carcass and lay it flat face-down on the washed surface you have prepared for cleaning. Vigorously run your scaler across the surface of the fish against the grain of the scales.

God damn it. That horseshit-eating turdmonster of a feng shui scuzzball has thrown me off. I'm going to sit this one out.

Sit on it, Answers in Genesis!

HJ