Is InBev going to turn the Clydstales into Belgian "hamburgers"?
,In one of the most distressing scenarios to come across my desk during a day of investigation, sources say that Belgium is one of the leading consumers of horsemeat in the world! What does this mean for the Clydestales? I hate to sound the alarm, but it is clear to me, based on an indisputable lack of evidence to the contrary that the Belgian company will be turning the long and distinguished line of Anheuser-Busch's purebred Clydstales into horse tartare.
You disgust me, InBev, you filthy Belgians. If it weren't for us, you'd all be speaking German instead of...whatever the hell you speak. I shudder to think of what will happen to the dalmatians.
HJ
Seed Newsvine
14 comments:
If the Clydesdales are indeed to be converted into tartare- and because it's in print, on the internet, it must be true- I am concerned about the fate of the Universe itself. Why? I mean, beyond the obvious abomination to the palate?
Because a modern day Temujin will have to be located somewhere between Mongolia and modern day Kazakhstan- a Uighur might even suffice. Then, he will have to be cajoled into raising a Mongol horde from scratch, though Mongoloids may work in a pinch. This whole process will be made all the more difficult because, due to the previously mentioned Blegian Gastronomic Conundrum, this mewly-minted cavalry will have to ride something besides horses- I'm voting for emus, armored emus. The newly butchered horseloin will have to be stowed under their saddles for the sweltering, tenderizing ride across the steppes.
I can't remember why this is a threat to the Universe, Genghis.
Heehee. They are OBVIOUSLY going to be riding cows into battle. I hear that cows freely walk down the streets in...Belgium City (or Brussels, if you want to get all technical) and are revered as gods or crackers are in some cultures. Of course, you can't take you sacred cows into battle, so these will mostly be show cows, you know, for parades and the like. And I will give you the armored emus if they wear the Greek dresses into combat.
HJ
*gasp*... I contributed to a horsemeat panic! I want a prize!
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This coupon entitles Dr. Matthew to any item he can buy himself at full price.
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Congrats!
HJ
Woohoo!
Funnily enough, if it weren't for us, many Belgians, instead of speaking German, would be speaking GERMAN.
If any of you would care to let me know which battles in you fought in your courageous action to ensure we Europeans could keep on speaking European, then I'll see to it that you get invites to the commemorative parades...
In the meantime, stop watching the John Wayne movies; they're not historical documents.
Anyway, Anheuser-Busch doesn't sound all that "English" to me.
Seriously tho' the original Inbev company started brewing in 1366 (!) However, multi-nationals have a tendency to lose their way, so the gnat's piss that's now produced is far removed from the original Stella. If you want to taste real beer, you couldn't do better than "Budovar" Czech beer. It's the original "Budweiser" (which is GERMAN for "Budovar". Anheuser Busch apparently "stole" the formula and the name, but the original brewery couldn't sue because they were behind the Iron Curtain)
Mind you, the idea of a nation which gave the world "McDonalds" and "Starbucks" moaning about "taste" causes my little fat European belly to shake with laughter.
As for horse-meat; next time y'all feed your cats, read the label. (Mind you, some of the nicest steaks I ever ate started their lives whinnying rather than mooing!)
Anheuser Busch apparently "stole" the formula and the name, but the original brewery couldn't sue because they were behind the Iron Curtain
Budweiser
"In 1876, Busch introduced America’s first national beer brand: Budweiser."
Iron Curtain
"The "Iron Curtain" was the symbolic, ideological, and physical boundary dividing Europe into two separate areas from the end of World War II until the end of the Cold War, roughly 1945 to 1991."
Something about this timeline seems fishy to me.
"Something about this timeline seems fishy to me"
Not really. Google "Budějovický Budvar" or "Budweiser beer naming dispute" (to name but two possibilities), and a whole new, foaming beery world will open to you.
On of Bing's favourite writers made some comments about the value of a name, but in this instance it's about the marketing rights, on which Mr. Shakespeare appeared to have no comment. (correct me if I'm wrong, Bing ;)
Anyway, I heard the story years ago when I was visiting the brewery in Budějovický shortly after somebody "drew back the curtains".
I recommend travel, it broadens the mind. And if you're a beer lover, put Belgium at the top of your list. (as well as speaking Flemish (Dutch) and Walloons (French) most of the natives speak English and German) The country offers more than 300 different beers and there's nothing more delicious than a Kriek Lambiek or Trappist Trippel (still brewed by monks) to wash down your horse burgers...
Oh, heck. You might not have been aware of it, but I was parroting ultra-ignorant Americans who always, freaking always, say, "Well they'd all be speaking German/Russian/Visigoth if it weren't for 'Merica in dubya dubya two." I've gotten around Europe. More Americans should try to get out of the country, I totally agree. It was utterly appalling that the President, when he moved into the White House, had never been abroad. It explains a lot. The year I spent in Europe opened up vast vistas for me. I did not make it to Belgium, however. There was a Belgian in my high school class. Spoke a flat version of English...absolutely fluently but without an accent at all, even an American one. He also spoke the Belgian version of French. We always called him Froggie. I think it was like calling a Canadian American for him, so we made sure never to miss an opportunity to call him French.
HJ
Stella is swill & Budweiser is piss. Who gives a fuck?!
It's better than Coors, may they go bankrupt with their Rocky Mountain piss water.
I got it, Bing, and my dad actually used to say that, but sometimes I can't resist being a snotty elite bastard.
Oh heck Bing, you might not have been aware of it, but I was taking the piss...
60.000 Belgians do speak German. We got them after World War I.
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