Brannon Howse: "When an idiot chokes, blame the pretzel"

I was in for an unpleasant surprise when I woke up this morning and, as is my wont, checked my email. I first became aware of Worldview Weekend when they started sending me emails that I never wanted in the first place. This was at about the same time that I started my blog, and the two have become inextricably intertwined: never before have I seen such consistently bad reasoning, self-righteousness and ignorance. Seriously. Brannon Howse does not leave much of a written record--most of his personal contributions to the website come in the form of online sermons, which I can't watch because I have the bandwidth of a swizzle stick. This morning, however, I found that he had taken a metaphorical dump in my mailbox. The email was called: "Breaking News: Howse Takes on Barnes & Noble For His Son."

Let's begin.

Shitty parent Brannon Howse, who for some inexplicable reason is opposed to cloning...

(Could the Howses be more Aryan? And what's wrong with that kid on the right? Why isn't she wearing the Browse family uniform? Perhaps she is just a stray who wandered into the picture.)

...has put his sights on Barnes and Noble. Yep, the same douchebag who depends on freedom of speech for his bread and butter would deny it to others. He is unprincipled, and I think his son, Chunk (back row), might be experimenting with his sexuality (see below). Brannon announced his son's sexual confusion to the world ("Thanks, dad!") in an email, and he will not rest until his son has been humiliated in front of 3 million Americans.

On June 5th, my eleven year old son joined me in a visit to our local Barnes and Noble Bookstore in Collierville, TN.


I was horrified at what my son saw. Open on a table was a very large, full-color, picture book displaying a man in full frontal nudity. The cover was two men kissing with the title GAY SEX.


Well, this slack-jawed yokel doesn't know the name of the book that has his studded leather thong in a wad, but that's fine. Facts are things that other people do, apparently.

So, how about some male full-frontal nudity. It's so immoral:

Gay porn or a Caravaggio?

My favorite gay icon, Rubens'
multiply penetrated St. Sebastian.

Gay porn or...ok, gay porn. I was a little grossed out.
Animala liked this picture.

This book was filled with full-color pictures of gay men doing what they do. Yes, it was that graphic.

Cutting hair? Serving in the Army? Playing football? Doing Olympic gymnastics or ice skating? Or the only thing that they do that you think about, you offense to all things decent?

The assistant manager told me that this was the second time that night this book had been laid open in the store. She also informed me that such books were regularly found in the men's room.

So, it was one person opening the book and leaving it out mischievously? BOYCOTT PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T RESPONSIBLE!!!! That seems reasonable.

Also, Brannon, did you bother to ask whether or not hetero books were found in the bathroom? I bet you didn't, you myopic git.

She said a young boy had been sexually assaulted in the bathroom at this store and the man was never caught.

I think that you are making this shit up. What Assistant Manager says, "Oh, yeah, there are sexual assaults all the time here, so what?" None do. That's a truly, truly bizarre claim, and I don't believe it for a second. Also, you making-shit-up-person, most male child molesters are attracted to women their own age. This is to say that they are hetero. This underscores that child predation is not a "gay" thing, it is a "power" thing. Sexually immature boys, in fact, are often seen as "feminine." In Shakespeare's time, the 1920s (Brannon won't know the difference), boys played the female roles. Also, do you remember Mary Martin in the stage production of Peter Pan? (By the way, the fact that I know something about the history of theater does not mean I'm gay, only suggests it.) Saying that homosexual love is responsible for child predation is like saying heterosexual love is responsible for rape.

The assistant manger walked me to where the book was normally kept. Was it behind a counter? No, it was on the top shelf of a bookcase that any 13 year old could reach. The assistant manger walked me to where the book was normally kept. Welcome to the 21st Century where being gay is mainstream and celebrated as normal in a family bookstore. Listen to my national radio program to find out what I am going to do. [...] I am working with the American Family Association to have an e-mail go to 3 million people calling for a boycott of Barnes and Nobel until they put this garbage behind a counter or in a restricted area where children can not see it or have access to it.

Like Chunk? Listen, I don't know why you were flipping through the Joy of Gay Sex with your son, but there are some deeper issues here. 1. Your son is probably gay, bi, or curious. He's 13 for Christ's sake, and you are humiliating him nationally. Way to go. 2. Let's say that someone who has been perusing the books at B&N sees Ultimate Gay Sex behind the counter and wants to look at it. It is neither in his, B&N's or society's interest that he should have to out himself to satisfy your bizarre prurient fetish. 3. Who the fuck said that B&N is or should be a family bookstore? 4. You don't know what mainstream means. 5. Some immature tit putting the book out open to a page of a naked man is not the same as the Barnes and Noble chain celebrating homosexuality. 6. Fuck you. 7. I wouldn't listen to your radio show if my life depended on it, you vacuous bee-eating barn swallow. 8. You think conservative Christians go to bookstores. I shit you not. Go to a bookstore and look in the parking lot. If you may discern anything about a bookstore's patrons by the bumper stickers in the parking lot, you will see that liberal stickers outnumber Jesus fish by at least 30 to one (sometimes thanks to a single car--if you are liberal, apparently, you need to wallpaper your car with activism) When I was calling voters on behalf of Claire McCaskill during the last election, we met at a Democrat's house and one of the people volunteering for the phone bank said, "You can tell when you are visiting a liberal--the shelves are full of books!" 9. If nothing else, it will simply keep Christians out of bookstores, where they might be able to learn something. They are shooting themselves in the foot. 10. It will be a cold day at the equator when I respect someone for appealing to the self-appointed thought-police at the AFA for anything.

Collierville, TN does not have an ordinance that requires this type of material to be behind a counter out of reach of children or moved into a restricted area that
requires a person to be 18 or older to enter.

Sounds like you are shit out of luck, asshole.

Also, I am totally moving gay porn into the children's section the next time I'm at Borders. Thanks for the idea, Brannon. You are doing a great job protecting children!

This is one more example of where elected officials have the opportunity to implement public policy that protects the innocence of our children as well as accounts for their physical safety.

The government is not a babysitter--you asshat conservatives say that all the fucking time. You, my friend, are responsible for your son. The store is not. Physical safety? You are dishonest, ignorant, and confused. Every bookstore that I know of has a sign that says merchandise is not allowed in the bathrooms....Ah! Now I know why! That makes complete disgusting sense!

You can bet I will be working for such a city ordinance as well as working to make sure state law 39-17-911 is enforced and there is a penalty for robbing my son's innocence.

Oh, you fucking drama queen. You think that's the first time that your kid has seen some guy's gizmo? If your son has ever changed at a public pool, he has seen winky. You live in a bubble. Let's look at that freedom-hating ordinance, shall we?

Title 39 Criminal Offenses

Chapter 17 Offenses Against Public Health, Safety and Welfare

Part 9 -Obscenity

39-17-911. Sale, loan or exhibition of material to minors. -

(a) It is unlawful for any person to knowingly sell or loan for monetary consideration or otherwise exhibit or make available to a minor:
(1) Any picture, photograph, drawing, sculpture, motion picture film, video game, computer software game, or similar visual representation or image of a person or portion of the human body, that depicts nudity, sexual conduct, excess violence, or sado-masochistic abuse, and that is harmful to minors; or
(2) Any book, pamphlet, magazine, printed matter, however reproduced, or sound recording, which contains any matter enumerated in subdivision (a)(1), or that contains explicit and detailed verbal descriptions or narrative accounts of sexual excitement, sexual conduct, excess violence, or sado-masochistic abuse, and that is harmful to minors.
(b) It is unlawful for any person to knowingly exhibit to a minor for monetary consideration, or to knowingly sell to a minor an admission ticket or pass or otherwise admit a minor to premises whereon there is exhibited a motion picture, show or other presentation which, in whole or in part, depicts nudity, sexual conduct, excess violence, or sado-masochistic abuse, and which is harmful to minors.
(c) A violation of this section is a Class A misdemeanor.
(d) It is an affirmative defense to prosecution under this section that the minor to whom the material or show was made available or exhibited was, at the time, accompanied by the person's parent or legal guardian, or by an adult with the written permission of the parent or legal guardian.

[Acts 1989, ch. 591, § 1; 2000, ch. 763, § 1.]

Wow, since B&N wasn't knowingly selling, renting, or making available anything to your son, you don't have a case at all. And you would have to prove that it harmed your son somehow. Of course, this could be interpreted as parental negligence or child endangerment on your part, since you were his handler at the time, so good luck with that, you fuckhead.

The most likely scenario that Brannon here is unable to contemplate is his son was looking at a bunch of naked men and Brannon blamed the store. How long did you guys look at the porn together, Brannon? A second? Or was he flipping through it, truly having his innocence robbed (or, put another way, giving his innocence up like a filthy man-slut). Your son masturbates like crazy, Brannon. He's 13 years old. You have to deal with this like an adult, and not call an economic jihad on every fucking bystander in the place.

Brannon, you are an execrable halfwit. I am going to make a donation to the ACLU in your name, you complete rat-bastard.

HJ