Correspondence of Interest: Vol 2.

I may have a job, but the rejection never stops!

This one comes from a school I interviewed at a few weeks ago:

Dear Mr. Jihad:

Thank you for coming to Guns 'n' Roses Satellite Campus to take part in our interview process. It was a pleasure speaking with you. We appreciated the opportunity to review your credentials.

We regret that we will not be offering you a position at the Satellite Campus.

We appreciated your interest in Guns 'n' Roses Satellite Campus, and we wish you the best in your continued career search.

Sincerely,

Fred Bungplug
Chair, Search Committee
Associate Professor
English

I'm not searching for a career, boys. I'm searching for a job. (Well, I was.)

The next rejection letter comes from the University of the Corn:

Dear Mr. Jihad

Thank you for expressing interest in the English faculty position at the University of the Corn.

At this time, we feel another candidate has specific work experience and/or an educational background more closely related to the duties for this position. However, we will retain your resume in our files.

Thank you for giving the opportunity to review your qualifications. We appreciate your interest in the University of the Corn and wish you success.

Sincerely,

Don Cheadle
Director of Human Resources

This one, I'll tell ya, kind of irritates me in a little way. It's the and/or statement: "another candidate has specific work experience and/or an educational background more closely related to the duties to this position." Of course, what does this HR person know? And how many dozens of letters do they send out for each position? That said, I will venture an overbroad generalization: When a HR department sends out a letter instead of the chair of the search, the letters are much less personal and satisfying. The HR guy, I'm willing to bet, got a list of addresses in an email and was told to send rejection letters to them. And this is what you get when you half-ass it. It reminds me of a scene in Catch-22:

Corporal Whitcomb brought me this basic form letter that takes care of just about every situation. Listen:

"Dear Mrs., Mr., Miss, or Mr. and Mrs. Daneeka:

"Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, father, son or brother was killed, wounded or reported missing in action."

A big part of that novel is about the lunacy and impersonality of large organizations. Coincidence? HMMMM?

HJ