Finding Jihad: A Duck Rape Extravaganza!

Remember only you can stop Duck Rape.

For Finding Jihad virgins:

Every week or so, I post some of the searches that have led unsuspecting Googlers to my web site. Needless to say, at least 58% of the searches are for Lisa Edelstein's breasts. (Sigh.)

• microbiology degree in Georgia (“…is about as hard to find as a synagogue along the Afghan/Pakistani border”)
• why my modem doesnt work (I think it’s working. I mean, how did you do the search?)
• licking peoples private parts (I was number one. What the hell is that about?)
• dawkins derrida biomorph (Dawkins’ biomorph program showed that you could evolve Jacques Derrida from an amoeba in only 12 generations.)
• preparing for a phone interview (Imagine the telephone naked.)
• wynonna's band profiles (I’m going to say bored out of their minds and wondering how it came to this, but then again I hate country music.)
• artificial facial hair (For an artificial face, I’m guessing. Actually, a couple of FBI/law enforcement links popped up on that search, describing robberies and the like.)
• shit pancakes (Personally, I prefer my waffles a la vaginitis.)
• what does jizzed mean (Ah, that query takes me back to my Intro to English for Portuguese Porn Stars class. Good times.)
• Bible NIN (“You get me closer to God!”)
• lawrence pancakes (…could never be a super spy. I mean, think about it. “Pancakes. Lawrence Pancakes.” No way.)
• I had a reading with Sylvia Browne (Actually, you get lots of hits with this search, but if you put it in quotation marks, you only get one. Guess nobody is actually willing to admit to having been duped. I mean, take for instance the only hit: “Two days ago I had a reading with Sylvia Browne's son, Chris Dufresne. I feel stupid and devastated.” FUCK YOU, SYLVIA! I HOPE YOU GET VULVARVAGINAL DISEASE.)
• slutty women in America (I’m not kidding when I say that Concerned Women for America is at the top of this search. I knew they were loose.)
• Concerned Women for America idiocy (God, I hate redundancy.)
• animala sexy+free (No, Animala sexy and very expensive.)
• "paris hilton" "ass cheeks" (Actually, the correct search is for “Paris ‘Ass Cheeks’ Hilton”.)
• article science birds vomit fish (paragraph humanities cockroaches corn Mid Ocean Ridge)
• "duck rape" (Yep: “HJHOP—when you absolutely, positively need to know about duck rape.”)

HJ